Archive for the tag 'elections'

Of Tories and t-shirts

NS May 11th, 2010

If you haven’t already heard, the Tories are in. David Cameron managed to convince Nick Clegg and the Liberal Democrats to sell their souls to the devil and form a coalition with the Conservatives.

I think we all know how I feel about that.

I made an offhand comment on Twitter tonight, in which I said, “Making a t-shirt: I voted Lib Dem and all I got was this lousy Tory government.” People seemed to like this idea so I thought hell, I’ll actually make a t-shirt. With Noble Husband’s graphic design skills, we put a little something together for all of the other Lib Dem voters who feel betrayed and disappointed with this new ‘coalition’ government.

Get yours here and wear it proudly angrily. And don’t say I never made you anything.

The Candidates of Oz

NS May 4th, 2010

My daughter has been really into The Wizard of Oz lately. I’ve been into the UK election. So I thought, why not combine the two? And so I present:

The Candidates of Oz

Cast

Dorothy – Me

The Wizard – British Voters

The Tin Man – David Cameron

The Scarecrow – Gordon Brown

The Lion – Nick Clegg

__________________________________________

First up, the hollow-chested one :

When a man’s a plummy Tory
There’s more there to the story
And Cameron plays the part
He shouldn’t be assumin’
That we think he’s at all human
He doesn’t have a heart
He’d be tough, he’d be “fair”
And slash the budget bare
For the poor and art
He’d ban Islamic veil
And be the darling of the Mail
He doesn’t have a heart
Picture Dave, a modern slave
To the toffs and richest men
Equality for you and me
Stuffed in the nearest bin
Just imagine the commotion
That he’d set into motion
And tear us all apart
I’d rather leave here in a coffin
Than be governed by that boffin
Long live bleeding hearts

______________________________________________

Next, the one whose head is stuffed with straw:

Brown had countless hours
To convince us of his power
But it just felt all too tame
While his frown was busy twitching
We were busy bitching
If he only had a brain

When we all have lost our jobs
And are fed up with the yobs
We’re keen to share the pain
What was Labour thinking
When they thought we had no inkling
If they only had a brain

Oh, I can tell you why
They’ll do poorly at the polls
I could list a hundred things
You’ve heard before
But it’s clear, I do fear
That we’ll rake Brown o’er the coals

It may not have been too late
But then came Bigotgate
In which he showed disdain
I think Brown’s a decent guy
But there’s been a lot of lies
Oh, he doesn’t have a brain

____________________________________________

And finally, the one who needs some courage:

Yeah, it’s sad, believe me Mister
When you’re not a known A-lister
And no one takes your coat
Oh, I could be the PM
With my mantra ‘carpe diem’
If I only had the votes

I’m afraid there’s no denyin’
The other two are lyin’
Which none of you deserve
I’m as brave as a lion
You won’t see me cryin’
Your interests I would serve

I’d be different, this I know
Because the other parties blow
On the public I would dote
I could be your anti-Tory
Give the Lib-Dems all the glory
If I only had the votes

_______________________________________________

Photo credit

Fuck You Friday: World leader edition

NS March 26th, 2010

Fuck you, oh pointy-hatted one, for covering up the abuse of hundreds of boys (and cod knows what else) for the past several decades, in the name of your bigoted, small-minded, patriarchal institution of power-hungry lie-spreading based on ancient (if not totally make-believe) stories.

Fuck you, Barack Obama, for throwing American women under the health care reform bus. I’m sure that since you’re the one driving the bus you didn’t even notice as you rolled right over us, but believe me; we’re being crushed by the weight of your cowardly decision and the poorest and most vulnerable of us will pay the heaviest price. Champion of the people, my ass. You ‘did what you had to do’ but it was to acquiesce to those hateful, spiteful bullies that convinced you that restricting women’s access to a perfectly legal procedure in an acceptable and merely ‘unfortunate’ side effect of The Bigger Picture. Well guess what, Pres? It doesn’t get any Bigger Picture for us than the right to control our motherfucking bodies and decide when and if we will grow, bear, raise and be responsible for y’all menfolk’s babies. Seriously, fuck you for that. You completely ruined the little joy I may have gotten from the watered-down, pansy-ass bill and what it might mean for my family and friends currently residing in the USofA. You just convinced me to stay here in merry ol’ socialist England for at least another six years. In fact, where’d I put that application to become an official subject of the Queen? This week, I’d much rather my passport was red than blue.

Finally, a big fuck you to Gordon Brown for being too stubborn or stupid to see that he is likely going to lose Labour this election. Fuck you, Gordy, for making even the thought of (hypothetically) voting for David Cameron and the Conservatives cross my mind. I’ll be sending you the bill for my numerous showers and brain bleaching. Fucking douchebag.