Archive for the tag '30s'

On not settling and the wisdom of 30

NS August 1st, 2010

Something about turning 30 made me finally feel like a proper grown-up, even though I had already acquired a husband, two children, a family car and a mortgaged house in suburbia before then. How much more grown-up than that can one  get, you might ask?

But I don’t define my adulthood by my relationships with other people, how many children I have or how much stuff I own. That’s what I believed in my teens and twenties. The beauty of turning 30 is that all those preconceived notions  you had about life after 30 are immediately thrown out the window.

I thought 30 meant a settled, boring life with little room for fun or growth. I believed that if you hadn’t done your travelling, established a career, given up partying, become health conscious and gotten a foot on the property ladder by the time the 3-0 fell on you like an ax, you were doomed to lead a life of misery and/or juvenile denial, desperately trying to catch up with peers who’d had their heads screwed on straight.

Then I turned 30.

And instead of feeling resigned to my ‘fate’ and depressed at all the things I hadn’t managed to accomplish in my 20s, I was overcome with an incredible sense of determination to reach my goals. And not only would I fulfil them, I would do them well and joyfully, I promised myself.

I never listed those goals here (though I did talk about some of them individually here and there) because I needed time to work out exactly what it is I feel missing in my life, what I want to accomplish and what matters most to me. Slowly, over the course of the past year or so, I’ve been making a mental list and adding and taking things away until I have before me the opportunity to make myself happy. Make myself happy, not waiting for someone or something to fall into my lap or chasing dreams that are someone else’s, what society says I should be aspiring to.

Learning that lesson, not ‘settling’ or what you’ve already got, is what being 30 is all about, I think. If our 20s are for growing and experiencing, our 30s are for finally learning the lessons we glossed over in our haste to beat the clock. What I didn’t know then was that I had set that clock against myself.

Finally realising that I could turn the whole damn thing off, that I didn’t have to keep hitting snooze and sleep-walk through the rest of my life, is the best gift that being a 30-something has given me. I can only imagine how much more I will learn as I progress through this decade.

So now, I am working my way through my new goals and finding the most amazing sense of self as I tick one item after another off my list, or plan and work towards the day I can.

  • Become a runner and complete at least one race
  • Repair and strengthen my marriage
  • Rediscover and appreciate music
  • Learn to play an instrument
  • Become successfully self-employed
  • Explore the fantastic city I live in
  • Make people smile with random acts of kindness
  • Fight for a cause I truly believe in
  • Learn the art of photography
  • Read at least a few pages of a (paper) book every day
  • Control my reactions to things  I cannot control
  • Enjoy my children and live in the moment
  • Write for the sake of writing, as and when I want to
  • Learn to be unafraid of what others may think of me

I’ve already completed some of the things on this list and have plans in place to complete the others. Some are works in progress that will be ongoing, not items I can ever tick completely off my list. These are not things I want to do, but rather processes and learning experiences for who I want to be.

I’ll never settle for anything less again.

Photo credit

To infinity…and beyond!

NS April 22nd, 2010

Further to my recent post in which I told you about signing up for doula training, a 5K race and a long-pined-for trip by myself, I have continued in the same locomotive manner and have been charging full steam ahead with other ideas and plans, many of which have me waking up in the middle of the night to tap urgent notes into my iPhone.

Just last night, I was contemplating going to law school. The night before that, I was looking up information on starting an advocacy or non-profit group. I’m still tossing around the idea of writing a (non-fiction) book and have recently submitted essays to three magazines (one rejection, two still pending) and keep scribbling down ideas for more. I’m feverishly devouring books on the politicalisation of motherhood and the one I finished last night, this one, absolutely blew me away. I can’t stop thinking about it and it’s got me wanting (even more so than usual) to shout from the rooftops about changing the world [a review is forthcoming but suffice to say it will undoubtedly end with 'Go read it. Now!']

I’m even changing or wanting to change things about my appearance, which is very unlike me. People who know me well or have been reading this blog for any length of time will know that I’m not fashion’s biggest fan, that I’m pretty comfortable in my body and don’t believe that I need to soften my skin, cover my greys, whiten my teeth or enlarge my breasts to feel like A Woman. What I’m wanting to change isn’t down to some lack of confidence or desire to transform my body or my image but simply to express my true self, finally. I haven’t had the time, money or motivation to retain or evolve my sense of style and have devolved into wearing whatever is the cheapest, easiest to find, most practical and covers up all my ‘wobbly bits.’ I’m not going to be going on a shopping spree any time soon but I’d like to add some more interesting and ‘me’ pieces to my wardrobe over the coming months (via the vast array of charity shops on my high street) and get a more modern haircut; the ‘shoulder-length with layers usually pulled back in a ponytail’ look is getting old. I’ve also been meaning to get a second tattoo for awhile now and am looking into designs and artists.

So what does all of this mean? Is this my 1/3 life crisis? Am I taking on too much, spreading myself too thin? Do I have adult ADHD? Or, most likely, am I just feeling like myself again, like anything is possible and that I can do or be anything I want? Because right now it feels very much like I am at a crossroads but instead of not knowing which way to go and hesitating, I am putting a foot on each path and taking a few test steps in each direction before coming back to the middle to weigh up my choices and make decisions.

This, coupled with the good weather and my much-improved mood have me buzzing and singing and just generally bouncing around like the inside of a pinball machine. I feel excited, charged up and…happy. Such a welcome change from the darkness that often pervaded last year.

Everyone kept telling me my 30s would be good. It hasn’t disappointed so far. With 31 just around the corner, I can barely wait to see what the rest of the decade brings.