Born in the wrong decade

NS February 15th, 2010

I realised today, as I was driving along singing my heart out to a series of songs on Magic radio, all from 1973, that (musically at least) I was born in the wrong decade. I mean, how can you beat this playlist?

  • ‘Love Train’ by The O’Jays
  • ‘Killing Me Softly’ by Roberta Flack
  • ‘Stuck in the Middle with You’ by Stealer’s Wheel
  • ‘Goodbye Yellow Brick Road’ by Elton John
  • ‘I Will Always Love You’ by Dolly Parton
  • ‘Tequila Sunrise’ by The Eagles
  • ‘Yesterday Once More’ by The Carpenters
  • ‘Superstition’ by Stevie Wonder
  • ‘You’re So Vain’ by Carly Simon
  • ‘Let’s Get It On’ by Marvin Gaye

When ‘Superstition’ came on, I actually yelped with excitement and turned the radio up really loudly (no kids in the car — hurrah!). I could barely contain myself. That, my friends, is MUSIC. I’m telling you, I was meant to be alive and in my youth during the 60s and 70s. I would’ve been in bell-bottomed, peace-signed, guitar-strumming, funk-loving heaven.

That said, I think I would’ve also been quite happy in the Roaring Twenties as well. After going to see The Princess and the Frog yesterday with The Noble Child and hearing all of that lovely New Orleans-style jazz music, I could totally picture myself as a gin-swilling, fun-loving, Charleston-dancing, boa-wearing flapper.

If you could’ve been a young adult in any decade in the 20th century, which would it have been?

Photo credit

All good things must end

NS February 11th, 2010

I knew it was coming. It wasn’t a surprise. So why did I still feel like I’d been knocked sideways by the news I received today? Maybe I had been in denial.

But I can’t deny it any longer; my childminder, J, the one who is so wonderful and affordable and resides so nearby, is moving. She’s moving back to the area she is originally from, which is hours away from here. And while I am happy for her and appreciative of all that she’s done for us, I can’t help but feel a twinge of ‘It’s not fair!’ about the whole thing. We only started with J at the very end of October, just over three months ago. It was only two weeks ago that my son stopped crying when I dropped him off every Thursday (he goes one day a week). I loved knowing that he got some playtime with two other children his age (J’s own little boy and another girl she cares for) and many trips to the playground just across the road. And TNC will be gutted, she really will. Her key worker and favourite teacher just left the pre-school she attends a couple weeks ago, and now this. The only two other women (aside from family) who I’ve ever trusted with my girl and have seen her bond with have gone or are going.

Obviously, this is just the way things are. This is life. It’s nothing to get worked up about. People change childminders and teachers all of the time. Children grow, circumstances change and other aspirations beckon. Sometimes it will be them leaving us; sometimes it will be us leaving them. But I will still find it difficult when I have to explain to TNC that J is leaving and why she won’t see her again. It will tear me up to have to go through the process all over again with my little boy — the crying, the clinging, the arms reaching out and the little voice calling “Mama! Mama!” as I shut the door to a stranger’s house and walk away, leaving him, and my heart, inside.

That is, if I do have to do it again. Now that this Good Thing is ending, I’m not sure I have the energy or inclination or even a reason to find a replacement. As it is, I’m only bringing in just enough income to cover the costs of the two-day-a-week childcare, at J’s lower-than-average fee for this area. I simply can’t afford to pay more than I am now and I need someone who also lives nearby, is willing to take each child for only one day per week, with a view to taking them on in a more full-time capacity if/when I start back to work this autumn. I was incredibly lucky when I began my search to find someone so quickly (indeed, the third person I contacted), who shared my views on childcare and who fit all of the above criteria as well. I can’t help but feel that I won’t be so lucky next time around.

The other thing this has made me confront is the fact that the freelance thing hasn’t exactly taken off. I got so busy with creating Fertile Feminism and making noises and notes about a corresponding book idea that I haven’t had much time for trying to establish some paid work. I’m no closer now to earning money from writing than I was before I began this childminding venture. Granted, I said I was going to give it six months and, if J doesn’t leave for another 8 weeks, it should give me just about that. I somehow doubt, however, that I’m going to get a successful freelance career up and running before then. And if I go back to no outside childcare (or just can’t find any that suits), I will have even less time to pursue it than before. Does that mean it’s hi-ho-hi-ho, back to work I go? The thought simultaneously excites me and fills me with dread.

There’s also the small matter of me losing my marbles if I have to give up my two days a week to myself: to write and think and run errands or drink a cup of tea without children demanding my attention and needing me with all their needlessly endless needs. Since I hired a cleaner and a childminder, I have been so much happier. I’ve been full of energy, getting more sleep, getting more done. My marriage has improved drastically. My self-confidence is (was?) at an all-time high and my tendency towards depressive episodes low. And now, I feel as if I’m watching it slip away like a kite string tugged from my fingers by a strong wind, until all I can do is shield my eyes from the bright, burning sun of reality and squint at the receding shape of The Way Things Were as it tumbles and twirls through the sky, flying further and further from my grasp. Can I get another kite up in the air, or will it land with a resounding thud on the ground of some barren, muddy field over yonder?

I have 6-8 weeks to find out.

Photo credit

Ahhh. We needed that.

NS February 7th, 2010

What is it about hotels, B&Bs, inns, and other places that aren’t your own home? The moment TNH and I step foot into one without the children (a very rare occurrence, mind you, but it was our tenth wedding anniversary on Friday), it’s like we’re a completely different couple. No bickering, no responsibilities; plenty of talking, connecting and laughing (and other more physical pursuits — ahem); strolling arm-in-arm around town at our own pace and with our own agenda; the promise of an uninterrupted night together and sleeping as late as we want in the morning…it’s magical.

When we checked in we were the weary, busy parents of two children under four. When we checked out the following morning, we were us again. I remembered all of the things about him I fell in love with and he the same for me. One night to bring us back into each other’s arms and hearts was all it took. The best money we ever spent. Now to just remind ourselves to make those nights away together, just the two of us, less rare.

Photo my own

Children and media: overhyped or underestimated?

NS February 2nd, 2010

Is a lot of ’screen time’ for kids really as horrific as people like to make out? Are children rotting their brains, giving themselves virtual lobotomies, by watching television, playing video games, working on computers and using hand-held music devices/e-readers/mobile phones? A recent report showed that children in the US spend nearly eight hours per day consuming media — nearly as long as the average adult spends at work. I’m sure statistics are similar for children in the UK. This has really freaked some people out. It used to freak me out. I felt (and still feel) guilty for the amount of time The Noble Child spends staring at a screen. But increasingly, I’m asking myself why children consuming media is considered such an atrocity and why we are so panicked about it.

Full disclosure: my three-year-old watches a couple hours of television a day. She knows how to play simple games aimed at pre-schoolers on the computer. She can take photos on our digital camera. She instinctively knew how to use an iPhone when first exposed to one, with little explanation or demonstration. She could double-click and click-and-drag by the time she was two years old. The girl is tech-savvy. But so are her parents. My husband’s career is in computers. We are both active members of online communities; he on his sports forums and I with the blogosphere and Twitter. We both have iPhones. We both like to watch films and a few select TV shows. We stream videos. We take photos and upload them. We read a lot of our news on the computer screen, not from a newspaper spread over the breakfast table (though I do buy a broadsheet a couple times a week — nothing beats the weekend papers in bed). We’re fully linked in, wired up and logged on. So why wouldn’t our daughter (and eventually our son, too) be?

If that’s ALL she did then, yes, it would undoubtedly be unhealthy. If she lacked imagination, social interaction, literacy and communication skills or physical energy then, yes, I would be concerned. But she doesn’t. She is unimaginably sociable, friendly, outgoing, polite, empathetic and energetic. She can watch Finding Nemo contentedly but then jump up (sometimes in the middle of it) and want to play Bears or Hot Lava or Horsey Ride. She’s plainly thriving and developing at a normal pace. So the more I hear and read about the hysteria and see chests being beaten and hair being torn out by guilt-inflicted parents and drama-loving media sources, the more I think we’re blowing this all out of proportion. We all know that “studies say” and “experts suggest” that children have limited screen time, but what is the impetus for all these studies being conducted? Why the money, time and resources spent on finding out whether something that is unavoidably a part of our lives, and our kids’ lives, should be kept away from them?

The first response is to say they are being done for legitimate scientific and social purposes, to ensure that consuming all this new media will not have detrimental effects on us (which is a legitimate concern, certainly), but I have to wonder if at least some of this concern stems from the fact that advances in technology and our lifestyles have changed so rapidly in the last 10-20 years, leaving us little time to grow accustomed to it gradually, that our heads are left spinning, unsure how to process all of the information, choices and consequences. I also wonder if it’s something every generation does, where those who were once young and hip all of a sudden realise that they have grown older and a new modernity has set in, one which vastly influences the way they, and particularly their children, live their lives and spend their time. Often, it is our children who are least scared of these changes and we are the ones left scratching our heads and muttering phrases like “Back in my day…” while fixing whatever newfangled invention is ‘taking over the youth’ with a suspicious stare.

Rock music used to be considered the devil incarnate. Then it was films and TV. Then it was rap music and racy ads. Then it was video games. Now it’s mobile phones and computers. Different decade, same ol’ worries. Old/familiar = good, virtuous; Young/new = scary, unknown.

I saw a poll recently (can’t remember where or I’d link) where parents were asked how much TV their kids actually watched versus how much they told other people their kids watched and the discrepancies were not marginal. More than three-quarters said they felt their children watched too much television but, when asked, most halved that time. So are kids consuming too much media or are we just making each other feel guilty about it by under-reporting and hiding it because we don’t fully understand it? Is this just one more way in which parents are blamed for not being perfect, or are the ‘experts’ right to caution us about the effects of the Age of Tech?

I haven’t fully made up my mind yet. I vacillate between beating myself up and trying to curtail media usage to embracing it and reminding myself that my children are well-rounded, loved and properly cared for, regardless of ’screen time.’ After all, you wouldn’t be reading this post if it wasn’t for CBeebies. I get time to ponder and write (which makes me a better person and mother) and my children learn yoga poses from cute little animated figures, set to soothing music and chattering laughter.  Is that really so bad?

Photo credit

Sometimes you feel like a Brit, sometimes you don’t

NS January 29th, 2010

Ways in which I have become Anglicised:

  • My preferred swear words are Bloody, Shite and Bollocks
  • I can eat a sandwich with spread (butter) on it and not gag
  • I pronounce the ‘T’ in words like ‘beautiful’, ‘Peter’ and ‘dirty’
  • I love me a pint of bitter
  • I go for a walk on Boxing Day no matter how miserable it is outside
  • I can find a way to complain about the weather, even if it’s sunny
  • I get a bit irate sometimes at how the Council spends my money
  • If it snows, I don’t shovel my walk because no one else has
  • When I’m ill, all I want is a cup of tea and my hot water bottle
  • I eat jacket (baked) potatoes with tuna or cheesy beans on top
  • I listen to BBC Radio whilst doing the washing up
  • I use the word ‘whilst’
  • I say ‘windscreen’, ‘boot’, and ‘indicate’ instead of ‘windshield’, ‘trunk’ and ’signal’

Ways in which I am not Anglicised:

  • I don’t mercilessly harass ginger (redhead) people
  • I don’t constantly say “That’s so middle class”
  • I hate brown sauce, Marmite and Branston’s pickle
  • I refuse to consider hard sponge with marzipan on top to be “cake”
  • I can say the word ‘bap’ and not giggle
  • I will never believe anyone who says they had a proper cocktail at a pub
  • It’s Santa, not Father Christmas
  • I don’t believe that Halloween is just for devil-worshippers, criminals and Americans
  • I refuse to consider the Sun, Daily Mail, Metro, etc.. “newspapers”
  • I think British soaps (Corrie, Enders, et al) are absolutely rubbish
  • Ditto for British dramas (not including period films)
  • I still can’t get used to the teeth  I see on some people in television
  • I don’t intentionally set out to get shit-faced when I drink
  • Seafood on pizza is just wrong, as is sweetcorn
  • I will never say ‘aluminium’ or ‘bonnet’. It’s aluminum and hood, damn it!
  • I think Jeremy Clarkson is a national disease, not a national treasure

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