Tools for successful breastfeeding

NS August 5th, 2010

In honour of World Breastfeeding Week, I’d like to share which tools I think are the most important for successful breastfeeding. Between my two children I have breastfed for 38 months (and counting!) and know how difficult and tiresome it can be. I also know how wonderful, convenient and rewarding it is. But a gal needs a lot — I mean a LOT — of support to get started. And that is number one on my list.

1. Moral and practical support – from your partner, friends, family, health care providers and the community at large. When the going gets tough and sleep deprivation + pain + massive learning curve + screaming baby hits you upside the head at 3am for the fifth consecutive night and formula sounds like a mighty fine option, lean on your support system.

My husband’s unfailing support when I was learning to breastfeed my first child made all the difference. Instead of running out to buy formula when I screamed, “This isn’t working!” he held me while I cried, walked our daughter around in the sling so I could rest and regroup and then did everything possible to make the next feed better, more comfortable and less stressful.

2. Access to helpful resources — My biggest regret about my first pregnancy is that I didn’t read much on breastfeeding, or source any professional support networks beforehand. When I ran into problems a few days after my daughter’s birth, I scrambled desperately to find someone, anyone, able to help me. None of the people I was closest to could help me, having either not breastfed, not having had children yet or having done it so long ago that they couldn’t really remember what it was like or how to explain it.

An online friend sent me some Kellymom links and others suggested the NCT or La Leche League. I scoured countless articles, watched videos and looked at diagrams and pictures, trying to figure out what we were doing wrong. I visited my GP and Health Visitor, neither of whom seemed to have a clue. Finally, an NCT breastfeeding counsellor came to my house and gave some advice and practical assistance, which helped a lot. Mostly though, it gave me a massive confidence boost to read about and meet all these other women who were going through or had gone through the same things.

In the end, I believe that finding those sources of information and support helped me to carry on and have a happy and fulfilling breastfeeding relationship with both my children.

3. A bit of determination and grit — Finally, my infamous stubborn streak paid off! I was determined to make it work and even though it took nearly 3 months for it to be a pleasant experience, I persevered and learned a lot about myself and my capabilities in the process. I also learned not to leave such a monumental life-learning process to chance and that forming a support network ahead of time is so important.

4. Small comforts make a big difference — Even though they may seem trivial things, a big squeezy bottle of water (glasses just spill and you need two hands to get a screw top off), a nice snack, reading or viewing material to cure boredom and a cosy environment can make all the difference between relaxed, comfortable breastfeeding and tense, stressful breastfeeding. My number one tool for making breastfeeding easy and comfortable was my Boppy pillow.

The Boppy pillow is a U-shaped nursing cushion that sits on your lap and supports your arms and the baby’s body, ensuring optimum positioning and ergonomic support. There’s nothing worse than the dreaded Breastfeeding Backache, which often results when you are hunched over a baby that is too low, or with your arms feeling like dead-weights from being pinned underneath your 10-lb. bundle of joy for an hour at a time.

I don’t remember who recommended I get one but it was one of the best purchases I made during my pregnancy. The £200 gliding nursing chair? It ended up in the rubbish bin when we moved as the arms were too narrow and the back didn’t give enough upright support. Instead, I used the Boppy every time I sat down for a feed, anywhere in the house. After awhile, I was able to use it to breastfeed entirely hands-free, allowing the early readers of Noble Savage to carry on reading my scintillating posts. Another handy use was when Noble Girl was learning to sit up, it created a safe little ‘nest’ around her, a soft place to fall. And dribble. Luckily, it has a removable, washable cover to sort that out.

The fact that it’s been through two children and still has pride of place on our sofa today speaks to its longevity and usefulness. It’s a great cushion for a small child (or adult!) to curl up with. It also makes a fantastic pregnancy pillow (for placing under your bump when trying to get comfy) and back support when reading in bed. My Boppy pillow has even been on holiday with us, to Greece and America! Perfect for sleepy children slumped over on hard aeroplane armrests and for long delays on airport floors.

That’s why when the people at Boppy asked me to help spread the word about their product, I was more than happy to make an exception to my normal cynical, dubious attitude towards marketing and PR on my blog. When I’ve actually used a product and found it truly useful — no, loved it — I’m more than happy to give an endorsement.

To help promote the pillow, and breastfeeding in general, they’ve come up with this fun little game called Mom’s Revenge. It allows you to delegate tasks not relating to the hard work of breastfeeding and baby care to your virtual partner or mother-in-law while you relax and look serene.

Happy breastfeeding!

On not settling and the wisdom of 30

NS August 1st, 2010

Something about turning 30 made me finally feel like a proper grown-up, even though I had already acquired a husband, two children, a family car and a mortgaged house in suburbia before then. How much more grown-up than that can one  get, you might ask?

But I don’t define my adulthood by my relationships with other people, how many children I have or how much stuff I own. That’s what I believed in my teens and twenties. The beauty of turning 30 is that all those preconceived notions  you had about life after 30 are immediately thrown out the window.

I thought 30 meant a settled, boring life with little room for fun or growth. I believed that if you hadn’t done your travelling, established a career, given up partying, become health conscious and gotten a foot on the property ladder by the time the 3-0 fell on you like an ax, you were doomed to lead a life of misery and/or juvenile denial, desperately trying to catch up with peers who’d had their heads screwed on straight.

Then I turned 30.

And instead of feeling resigned to my ‘fate’ and depressed at all the things I hadn’t managed to accomplish in my 20s, I was overcome with an incredible sense of determination to reach my goals. And not only would I fulfil them, I would do them well and joyfully, I promised myself.

I never listed those goals here (though I did talk about some of them individually here and there) because I needed time to work out exactly what it is I feel missing in my life, what I want to accomplish and what matters most to me. Slowly, over the course of the past year or so, I’ve been making a mental list and adding and taking things away until I have before me the opportunity to make myself happy. Make myself happy, not waiting for someone or something to fall into my lap or chasing dreams that are someone else’s, what society says I should be aspiring to.

Learning that lesson, not ‘settling’ or what you’ve already got, is what being 30 is all about, I think. If our 20s are for growing and experiencing, our 30s are for finally learning the lessons we glossed over in our haste to beat the clock. What I didn’t know then was that I had set that clock against myself.

Finally realising that I could turn the whole damn thing off, that I didn’t have to keep hitting snooze and sleep-walk through the rest of my life, is the best gift that being a 30-something has given me. I can only imagine how much more I will learn as I progress through this decade.

So now, I am working my way through my new goals and finding the most amazing sense of self as I tick one item after another off my list, or plan and work towards the day I can.

  • Become a runner and complete at least one race
  • Repair and strengthen my marriage
  • Rediscover and appreciate music
  • Learn to play an instrument
  • Become successfully self-employed
  • Explore the fantastic city I live in
  • Make people smile with random acts of kindness
  • Fight for a cause I truly believe in
  • Learn the art of photography
  • Read at least a few pages of a (paper) book every day
  • Control my reactions to things  I cannot control
  • Enjoy my children and live in the moment
  • Write for the sake of writing, as and when I want to
  • Learn to be unafraid of what others may think of me

I’ve already completed some of the things on this list and have plans in place to complete the others. Some are works in progress that will be ongoing, not items I can ever tick completely off my list. These are not things I want to do, but rather processes and learning experiences for who I want to be.

I’ll never settle for anything less again.

Photo credit

You have been categorised

NS July 28th, 2010

I’ve reshuffled my blogroll to add a few new ones and put everything into categories for ease of use. Many of you could’ve gone into two, even three categories so I put you where I thought you fit best but if you’d rather be in Feminist Mothers than Birth and Breastfeeding or in Parent Blogs rather than Expats, let me know and I’ll swoop you up in my beak and, with my blogging talons, deposit you safely in your rightful category.

And if you’re not on my blogroll but should be, leave a comment with your URL and the category under which you think you’d best fit.

Thank you, gentle readers [I've always wanted to say that].

Good reads: Internet edition

NS July 27th, 2010

Summer holidays and the doula business are kicking my ass, leaving me little time for writing. But I’m still reading, oh yes! And here’s what’s been tickling my fancy and catching my interest lately.

Mila’s Daydreams – A new mother in Finland tries to imagine what her daughter is dreaming of when she naps. Adele creates gorgeous landscapes around baby Mila and captures it on film. Brilliant, gorgeous and utterly adorable.

Color Me Katie – A freelance photographer and street artist in Brooklyn. Draws funny faces on marshmallows and works with an improv group that recreated a scene from Star Wars on the New York subway recently. Cute. And very, very colourful.

The 52 Seductions – A woman and her husband of 10 years set out to improve their sex lives and seduce each other all over again. Funny, informative, touching and honest. And if you’re looking for new things to try in the bedroom, this is a great place for ideas.

Mama Is… - The amazing cartoonist behind Hathor the Cowgoddess, lactivist extraordinaire. Puts into one drawing what many of us ‘Boob Nazis’ waffle on for two pages saying.

Catalog Living – “A look into the exciting lives of the people who live in your catalogs.” Some of these actually made me guffaw. Very funny.

Offbeat Mama – The spinoff site from Offbeat Bride. Its tagline is “Parenting against the grain” and it embraces alternative lifestyles and a diverse range of parents. Specifically, the creator says, “We support mothers integrating their pre-kid identities and lifestyles into their post-kid realities.” Often contains gorgeous photographs and unique stories from real parents around the world.

Underbellie – Written by the fabulous Kelly Hogaboom, Underbellie is thoughtful, spot-on, uniquely written analysis of feminist parenting and culture. You must read this post and this one. Fan-freaking-tastic.

Birthing Beautiful Ideas – A wonderful blog I recently discovered, written by Kristen Oganowski– “mother, doula, graduate student, feminist, and writer.” Aside from the grad student bit, we appear to be twins. She wrote a beautiful post that made me tear up today. Go read it. Bring tissues.

What (or who) have you been reading lately?

Summer helladays, err, holidays

NS July 19th, 2010

It is upon us. That time of year when parents across the land look at the calendar and see nothing but late July and all of August yawning across the pages like a giant abyss, the depths of which no man (nor mother) can scientifically measure, for its impact is mental and emotional.

Yes, the summer helladays, err, holidays are here. And it won’t be over until 6th September for me. I’m cream crackered just thinking about it.

In a way, it will be nice. No school run twice a day and the stress that creates. We can do whatever we want in the morning. We can sit in our pyjamas all day. We can eat cereal for dinner and no one will be the wiser (except my husband when my children inevitably tattle on me for not giving them a proper meal). But what else can I do to keep them entertained, and cheaply? I’m not really one for Chessington World of Disappointments Adventures, or Lego Land or any place, really, where I have to be dragged round endless, stinking animal pens and through vast arrays of plastic tat.

So behold: Noble Savage’s ten ideas for keeping your sproglets happy on the cheap.

  • Take them to a garden centre. Wide aisles, air-conditioning, outdoor furniture to break test out and lovely plants and flowers to destroy look at. Stay for an hour and a half and leave having spent a couple quid on a packet of seeds and a drink from the vending machine. Then when you get home, give the children  a spade and a gardening fork and command them to dig up the weeds in the flower bed to ‘prepare the soil’ for the seeds they’re flinging around in the grass and each other’s hair. Open a beer and stare into space while they get covered in muck. This leads me to cheap activity number two…
  • Baths. Lots and lots of baths. Kids get dirty in the summer. The sand, the dirt, the Cornish ice cream dripping down their grimy faces and onto their hands…baths are the easy fix-all for the mess. Chuck ‘em in the bath once, twice, even three times a day. Not only does it waste 45 minutes each time but your acquaintances and friends will think your children are exceptionally clean, if not well-mannered.
  • Set up an obstacle course in your garden or living room and change it around every few goes so they don’t get bored. Flip through a magazine or Twitter away while they run themselves ragged crawling through tunnels, running around a designated object several times and jumping as far as they can, as many times as they can.
  • Go to the library. It’s free, it’s educational and if you walk there, it’s environmentally friendly. If that’s not reason enough to feel smug and self-satisfied, I don’t know what is. Though the smug feeling usually wears off at around the 5 minute mark, when the kids begin tearing around, screeching and throwing books aside, while you run behind them growling through clenched teeth about being quiet and sitting still and ends with you screaming at the errant child who keeps running for the automatic doors that lead directly into the car park. Just keep the ‘free’ bit in mind and it will all be worth it. Sort of
  • Buy a pack of dried spaghetti for 49 pence. Divide pack evenly amongst your rug rats and show them how to snap them so the pieces go flying. When they get bored of that, sweep the bits up, chuck them in a pan and cook them. Put them outside or in the bathtub and let them ‘swim’ in the pasta or make funny hairdos. When they are bored of that, tell them the spaghetti are sad little worms that miss their mummy and daddy and ask them to help collect the ‘worms’ into a bucket for transport back to their familial home. When they leave the room, dump the contents into the bin. Rinse bucket and pour a glass of wine. Speaking of wine…
  • If all else fails and it’s a choice between screaming obscenities at the children or having a cocktail or two, always choose the latter wherever and whenever possible. The trauma of watching you dance to ABBA at 4 o’clock in the afternoon will not compare to the trauma that would befall them if you told them to get stuffed in a variety of four letter words and gestures
  • Stockpile playdate favours. Grit your teeth and have some other people’s little wildebeests over for a few hours at a time. Then, when you are breaking point, text and enquire as to when they “want to get the kids together again” which is code for “Ahem! It is your bloody turn to have my devil spawn cherub over to your place so suck it up and invite her round.” We don’t actually say that though because this is Britain. You must be all subtle and passive-aggressive about it. Naturally
  • Dump all your clothes (including high heels, hats, hand bags and costume jewellery) onto the bed and let the children dress you. Then let them dress themselves up. Turn a blind eye when they put the cat in a choke hold and force a doll’s hat onto her head. Then, when your partner gets home, let them dress him up, too. Encourage liberal use of the sparkly hand bags and hair clips for him. Smirk while he gets his toe nails painted with a fake good-natured smile plastered on his face. Go downstairs and pour yourself a drink to congratulate yourself on your ingenuity
  • Go to the best, busiest and most exasperating playground or park you know, the one that makes you tired just speaking its name. Just before you get out of the car or turn the corner, put a fake brace on your foot or sling over your arm. Hobble in with one hand feebly pushing the pram. Struggle with everything. Bring tears to your eyes but do not let them spill just yet. Let your lower lip tremble momentarily but then stand up straighter and throw your shoulders back before crumpling forward again. When someone asks if you need help or if you’re okay, tell them you’re fine. Ten seconds later let one single tear slide down your cheek and choke back a sob as you hobble on your ‘bad’ leg or clutch your ‘sore’ arm to help Susie on the swings or get Johnny down off the fence. When the offers of help come pouring in, whisper “You’d do that for ME?” and look at them as if they are Gandhi, Mother Teresa and Mary Poppins rolled into one. Sit down and have a rest while your new helpers run after your children for you
  • Bribe them into good behaviour with the promise of an outing to their favourite restaurant. Look for sweet discounts and two-for-one deals on VoucherCodes.co.uk* (Pizza Express perhaps?), a service I have used many times before. Buy some cheap ice cream or biscuits to have for pudding when you get back so you don’t have to splash out on that, too. If your partner is working late and unable to assist you with bedtime, bribe them further by insisting they can have an extra helping of pudding after they’ve gone to sleep. If they are under the age of 5, they may be stupid innocent enough to believe this

*VoucherCodes.co.uk sponsored this post. Though I don’t usually accept these, I did this time because I had used the site before and think it’s a good resource for people looking for a bargain. Saving money for parents is always a bonus!

Photo credit

« Newer Entries - Older Entries »