NS February 10th, 2011

There’s this mum at NG’s school who, on more than one occasion, has commented on how pale and/or tired I look. One time she even enquired as to the state of the dark circles under my eyes! Pardon me, ma’am, but the circles under my eyes are hereditary and no matter how much sleep I’ve had or how much concealer I’ve slapped on, they will always be there. As for how pale I am, again, this will not change. I do not fake n’ bake, nor do I care.

So, from the bottom of my heart, would you kindly bugger off and keep your opinions on how terrible I look to yourself? I don’t need criticisms disguised as concern, yo.

This is why I just keep my head down and rarely stop to chat to anyone at the school gates. I’m just waiting for the day when I snap at one of these suburban ninnies and am forever branded a Mean Mummy.

If I was 16, I would sulk in the corner and grunt whenever anyone tried to converse with me. Teenagers are onto something…

15 Responses to “Concernicisms”

  1. kat @ slugs says:

    I hate it when people do that! On Tuesday, I spent the ENTIRE morning at playgroup being told how tired I looked, when I actually wasn’t. In the end I just snapped, “Well, considering I have a 3 year old, a 10 month old and am 8 months pregnant, I think I look pretty good” and walked away.

  2. Expat Mum says:

    I’m always being told I’m pale. I know I’m pale thanks. My sister-in-law has hereditary dark circles (not that I can remember yours BTW) and swears by Touche Eclat concealer, so much so that I am thinking of buying some.
    Expat Mum´s last blog ..Roughing ItMy ComLuv Profile

    geekymummy Reply:

    @Expat Mum, Touche eclat is great. My sister in law turned me on to it too and I wear it every day. Every mum should have some!
    geekymummy´s last blog ..Lessons from Mary PoppinsMy ComLuv Profile

  3. sandrine says:

    The least you can do if you think someone you barely know looks crap is to keep it to yourself! I love the word ‘concernism’!
    sandrine´s last blog ..Let them bleedMy ComLuv Profile

  4. I have the other problem. I always look well and have good colour, even when I’m tired and low.

    I agree that fake concern is very annoying to receive. Maybe they should market fake concern along with fake tan (or fake ‘n’ bake, as you call it).
    Iota Manhattan´s last blog ..The eyes have itMy ComLuv Profile

  5. Kelly says:

    This? Is the best phrase and article I’ve read all day.

    People either don’t comment on my appearance, occasionally they compliment it. I don’t like the compliments either for reasons I won’t go into (reading Michelle’s piece on beauty drag will do nicely). One memory I have tho’ was when I dyed my hair (like I am won’t to do) dark w/green and a ladyfriend said I’d have to wear “drastic makeup to pull it off.” Lady, I “pulled it off” by doing it. End of.

  6. bad aunt says:

    You should always keep your head held high. You have so much to be proud of and you should reflect that with your posture.
    You are well educated, interesting, influential and you are trying to make a difference in the world. You are a great person, wife and mother, writer and doula. Hold your head high, speak to people because you have a lot to share and offer.
    Yeah, granted some people are just rude and nosey, while some are just ignorant, but also, sometimes people can get/give wrong impressions. Maybe she thought something was wrong because you don’t talk, keep your head down, and you are fair complected and sorry to say you inherited your dark circles. You know this women better than any of us responding, maybe she is a nosey witch, only you know that. Or, on the other hand, maybe she is concerned and is starting up a conversation in case you needed someone to open up to, for instance if you were really sick, for she has no idea what you may or may not be dealing with. Maybe she notices that you keep your head down and don’t interact with anyone, maybe that gives her an indication that something is wrong. Maybe you are just fine, but maybe she has been sick and/or tired and thought she might relate to you.
    Maybe she is just a witch.

  7. geekymummy says:

    I think I’d be tempted to say “Yeah, it must be the heroin. I’m trying to quit though” just to see her reaction.
    geekymummy´s last blog ..Lessons from Mary PoppinsMy ComLuv Profile

  8. andrea says:

    clearly you should be spending all afternoon putting on makeup and self tanning lotion and doing your hair to spend a fleeting 2 minutes on the school grounds with the other mums while picking up your child. perhaps some big jackie o glasses would add some mystery and cover those circles! nah….then they might think the noble hubby hits you and you’re just covering up a black eye…. lol.

    i think some people just don’t realize the things they say are intrusive and/or offensive. she’s probably a nice person but not very diplomatic when it comes to voicing her concerns.
    andrea´s last blog ..lunch is servedMy ComLuv Profile

  9. April says:

    ahh the dreaded school gates….why is it that so many mothers treat the ritual as a sort of extension of some sort of high school dynamic?? A place to size one another up and compare Ugg Boots….
    I totally get annoyed whenever people tell me I look tired…especially when I am actually not tired and was feeling pretty good about myself up until they said something… always brings out my inner mean person with a snippy “really? because I’m actually feeling great!!!”

  10. Agreed, so tedious and thoughtless when people feel the need to tell you these things. I remember once being told by someone ‘you look 10 years younger than when I last saw you’ (and I was only about 25 at the time!) What a double edged compliment.
    nappyvalleygirl´s last blog ..Race to Nowhere – a thought-provoking filmMy ComLuv Profile

  11. Tanya says:

    You could have enquired about the state of her mind, as she keeps asking you the same irritating question! Some people just don’t get it.
    Tanya´s last blog ..Woe is WeaningMy ComLuv Profile

  12. Trish says:

    I would smile and say nothing. Just leave her with her snarky comment hanging out there. If, after ten seconds, she hasn’t said anything, change the subject and ask her where she got her ugly shoes.

  13. Capital Mom says:

    I have just discovered undereye concealer. I think it might change my life.

    I also had a mom tell me that I had that “back to working fulltime glow”. I just told her I got a good haircut and dyed my hair for the first time. I am also now all about the hair.
    Capital Mom´s last blog ..HeartsMy ComLuv Profile

  14. Troutie says:

    I too swear by Touche Eclat (My friend and I call it “touch my cl*t” because we are very rude). No. 7 do a cheaper version.

    Of course even cheaper still is the people keeping their pointless ‘concerns’ to themselves!

    I like Geekymummy’s ‘heroin’ suggestion and Trish’s ‘ugly shoes’ idea. In fact I’d combine the two…

    “It’s the heroin…ugly shoes by the way”…tee hee!

    Sorry if I posted this rude comment twice – some weird stuff went on when I tried to submit it…
    Troutie´s last blog ..A Jamaican Valentines Breakfast TogetherMy ComLuv Profile