To infinity…and beyond!

NS April 22nd, 2010

Further to my recent post in which I told you about signing up for doula training, a 5K race and a long-pined-for trip by myself, I have continued in the same locomotive manner and have been charging full steam ahead with other ideas and plans, many of which have me waking up in the middle of the night to tap urgent notes into my iPhone.

Just last night, I was contemplating going to law school. The night before that, I was looking up information on starting an advocacy or non-profit group. I’m still tossing around the idea of writing a (non-fiction) book and have recently submitted essays to three magazines (one rejection, two still pending) and keep scribbling down ideas for more. I’m feverishly devouring books on the politicalisation of motherhood and the one I finished last night, this one, absolutely blew me away. I can’t stop thinking about it and it’s got me wanting (even more so than usual) to shout from the rooftops about changing the world [a review is forthcoming but suffice to say it will undoubtedly end with 'Go read it. Now!']

I’m even changing or wanting to change things about my appearance, which is very unlike me. People who know me well or have been reading this blog for any length of time will know that I’m not fashion’s biggest fan, that I’m pretty comfortable in my body and don’t believe that I need to soften my skin, cover my greys, whiten my teeth or enlarge my breasts to feel like A Woman. What I’m wanting to change isn’t down to some lack of confidence or desire to transform my body or my image but simply to express my true self, finally. I haven’t had the time, money or motivation to retain or evolve my sense of style and have devolved into wearing whatever is the cheapest, easiest to find, most practical and covers up all my ‘wobbly bits.’ I’m not going to be going on a shopping spree any time soon but I’d like to add some more interesting and ‘me’ pieces to my wardrobe over the coming months (via the vast array of charity shops on my high street) and get a more modern haircut; the ‘shoulder-length with layers usually pulled back in a ponytail’ look is getting old. I’ve also been meaning to get a second tattoo for awhile now and am looking into designs and artists.

So what does all of this mean? Is this my 1/3 life crisis? Am I taking on too much, spreading myself too thin? Do I have adult ADHD? Or, most likely, am I just feeling like myself again, like anything is possible and that I can do or be anything I want? Because right now it feels very much like I am at a crossroads but instead of not knowing which way to go and hesitating, I am putting a foot on each path and taking a few test steps in each direction before coming back to the middle to weigh up my choices and make decisions.

This, coupled with the good weather and my much-improved mood have me buzzing and singing and just generally bouncing around like the inside of a pinball machine. I feel excited, charged up and…happy. Such a welcome change from the darkness that often pervaded last year.

Everyone kept telling me my 30s would be good. It hasn’t disappointed so far. With 31 just around the corner, I can barely wait to see what the rest of the decade brings.

12 Responses to “To infinity…and beyond!”

  1. Spilt Milk says:

    Good for you!
    I concur about the thirties. I’ll be 32 this year, and it feels good. And, I’ve had some similar ‘phases’ to what you describe, although mine have been inconveniently dampened by a pesky case of depression (it gives me pleasure to be perversely flippant about my own mental illness right now, by the way, I’m not trying to minimise anyone’s experience.) I relate to the fashion stuff too – I recently decided that I would spend a little money on some new clothes – a huge indulgence, I admit. But I feel okay about that, because for the first time I have a bit of an idea of how I actually want to dress, so it feels right to buy these clothes. Anyway – I look forward to hearing about wonderful new things happening for you in this very fertile period!
    Spilt Milk´s last blog ..Music not-Monday My ComLuv Profile

  2. BoozleBox says:

    Yay! Go you! I love that buzz I sometimes get when I’m firing on all cylinders. I often have periods of intense activity. They come and go actually but I think that’s fine. I need to change down a gear sometimes not just up a gear. Especially when children are small – you can’t always sustain the pace but I’m a firm believer that every small step you take toward something is important even if there are breaks along the road. Plus I really think you should take advantage of not being conventionally employed and the freedom it gives you. Easy for me to say I know with the comfort of a regular wage but while you’re managing you should take advantage of the time you have to try lots of ideas out and explore what you really want out of life. I think it will pay off in the end. Light the fuse and hope for fireworks!
    BoozleBox´s last blog ..I’m writing this instead of packing… My ComLuv Profile

  3. I have those same moments. I’ve wanted to simultaneously start a home-business, be an event planner, counselor, and writer. Ultimately, I end up organizing my house (no joke). By the time the desk is in order I have a better plan for my life. Currently, it’s to focus on the counselor route :)
    Jessica – This is Worthwhile´s last blog ..Daily Digby: House Jockey My ComLuv Profile

  4. Liz says:

    Sounds fabulous, yay for optimism and good weather!
    Liz´s last blog ..Birth, mothers rights, and pressure My ComLuv Profile

  5. Abby says:

    Good for you! I’m excited to see what this next year has in store for you! x
    Abby´s last blog ..St. George’s Day My ComLuv Profile

  6. geekymummy says:

    Cool! I think you are getting back the energy that having two small kids takes from you. I really bounced back once my littlest one hit about the 18 month mark (and I’m 39, my thirties were awesome, but I have even higher hopes for my forties!). Good luck with the magazine articles!
    geekymummy´s last blog ..the joy of skiing My ComLuv Profile

  7. I blame spring. Inspires new beginnings and reinvention.

    Or New York. As the song goes “These streets will make you feel brand new, these lights will inspire you.” ;-)
    Elisa @ Globetrotting in Heels´s last blog ..’cause any party is a way better party when there’s gifts. (And booze, but you’re on your own there.) My ComLuv Profile

  8. troutie says:

    Pass some of that over here please…………my life is one big pregnant pause.
    troutie´s last blog ..Warning: Sexually Explicit Content My ComLuv Profile

  9. Erin says:

    I’m so glad things are going so well. I’m looking forward to checking back often to see how you get on with everything!
    Erin´s last blog ..Journey to the cliffs My ComLuv Profile

  10. Josie says:

    Sooo late to this.

    I am loving that energy and determination in your voice lady! I could do with some of that ;)

    And I can really relate to that needing to try out different ideas in your head. I have been called ‘flighty’ before and told I change my mind too often, but it’s because I’m like you. I need to take a few little steps down a road to see if it’s right for me. Usually it isn’t and I come running back, other times it’s just fun to see what the view looked like from that road for a while. I think it’s a good thing – so go for it!

    Writing is actually the furthest I’ve managed to get down any road. I’m still not entirely sure if I’m going to stay on it. My feet keep getting scared and wanting run back. But nothing ventured noting gained huh?

    Here’s to exploring and new ideas and new energy and wherever it may take you! xx
    Josie´s last blog ..Blogging and Emotional Authenticity My ComLuv Profile

  11. I think i’ve hit a bit of a crossroads too, i’m happy with where I am, but feel like I could/should be doing more, possibly need a change… But not really sure what or how to go about it…
    PurpleRamblings´s last blog ..The Mummy Grudge… Part 2 My ComLuv Profile

  12. andrea says:

    if anyone can figure it all out and make things happen, you can! glad to hear you have so many great ideas and so much inspiration!