Sometimes you feel like a Brit, sometimes you don’t
NS January 29th, 2010
Ways in which I have become Anglicised:
- My preferred swear words are Bloody, Shite and Bollocks
- I can eat a sandwich with spread (butter) on it and not gag
- I pronounce the ‘T’ in words like ‘beautiful’, ‘Peter’ and ‘dirty’
- I love me a pint of bitter
- I go for a walk on Boxing Day no matter how miserable it is outside
- I can find a way to complain about the weather, even if it’s sunny
- I get a bit irate sometimes at how the Council spends my money
- If it snows, I don’t shovel my walk because no one else has
- When I’m ill, all I want is a cup of tea and my hot water bottle
- I eat jacket (baked) potatoes with tuna or cheesy beans on top
- I listen to BBC Radio whilst doing the washing up
- I use the word ‘whilst’
- I say ‘windscreen’, ‘boot’, and ‘indicate’ instead of ‘windshield’, ‘trunk’ and ‘signal’
Ways in which I am not Anglicised:
- I don’t mercilessly harass ginger (redhead) people
- I don’t constantly say “That’s so middle class”
- I hate brown sauce, Marmite and Branston’s pickle
- I refuse to consider hard sponge with marzipan on top to be “cake”
- I can say the word ‘bap’ and not giggle
- I will never believe anyone who says they had a proper cocktail at a pub
- It’s Santa, not Father Christmas
- I don’t believe that Halloween is just for devil-worshippers, criminals and Americans
- I refuse to consider the Sun, Daily Mail, Metro, etc.. “newspapers”
- I think British soaps (Corrie, Enders, et al) are absolutely rubbish
- Ditto for British dramas (not including period films)
- I still can’t get used to the teeth I see on some people in television
- I don’t intentionally set out to get shit-faced when I drink
- Seafood on pizza is just wrong, as is sweetcorn
- I will never say ‘aluminium’ or ‘bonnet’. It’s aluminum and hood, damn it!
- I think Jeremy Clarkson is a national disease, not a national treasure
