What a way to make a living
NS January 8th, 2010
“What do you want to be when you grow up?” I asked The Noble Child a couple days ago.
“A princess! A horse! Or a doctor. Ooh, I know, a fire fighter!”
“Fantastic! All great choices.”
“And what do you want to be, Mummy?”
If only I knew, my child. If only.
I’m 30 and rapidly approaching a fourth full year of unemployment outside the home. For the past year I have been doing a small freelance job, every day for about 1.5-2 hours in the afternoon, but aside from that all my child and house-related work is done pro bono. Aren’t I charitable?
So it’s time. 2010 is the year of Returning To Work, I’ve decided. Certainly by the time TNC starts primary school in the autumn, I will either be employed in some capacity or actively searching. Line up childcare, get job, forge new career, meet new people, be intellectually challenged and pull in some extra cash so my family can do things like go out for the occasional meal or take the odd holiday without it being a bank-balance-busting exercise in stress and futility. Sounds simple, right? I wish.
Because as ‘simple’ as it might be to just go out and get a job working for someone else, I’d still like to give working for myself a try. Working for someone else won’t allow me any time to develop my writing skills or run my websites or work on my book proposal. Working for someone else, on their terms and schedule and pay scale, is a daunting and almost frightening prospect after all these years. Interviews, commuting, office politics, office gossip, Christmas parties where you get drunk and embarrass yourself (or is that only me?)…these are things I haven’t done since I was in my mid-twenties, footloose and fancy-free.
Mostly, my apprehension is because I know what people say about working mothers behind their backs and sometimes even to their faces. I know that even once I’ve gone through the arduous task of getting a job, made all the more difficult by my gender and parental status, many of my non-parent co-workers will grumble and roll their eyes and think it highly unfair when I have to take the day off to care for a sick child or leave early once a week to pick them up from childcare. I know that I will likely be passed over for promotions and special projects because I can’t commit to the longer, extra hours. If I were to decide to have another baby, I’d have to deal with sorting out maternity leave, time off for antenatal appointments and the inevitable physical ailments and discomforts of pregnancy, knowing that my risk of being sacked or made redundant would grow along with my belly, plus the feeling of being a ‘disappointment’ or a ‘liability’ to the company’s bottom line because of my reproductive choices.
The stress of working somewhere else all day and then having to rush around to pick up the children, get them home, fed, bathed and to bed before I could even begin to think about doing anything for myself, my other interests, the household or my marriage makes my blood run cold. I see and hear and read about tons of other women doing it, and incredibly well to boot, but I suddenly feel incapable, inept and insecure when I contemplate doing it myself. I then accuse myself of being pampered, lazy and cowardly, despite knowing full well that staying at home with my children and running one or two independent businesses concurrently has its own special set of hellish stresses and responsibilities that perhaps women who work outside the home would view with the same mixture of dread, jealousy and awe with which I view theirs.
Does it all have to be so complicated?
More options begin running through my head. I could spend this month and next launching my new website, get everything up and running smoothly and work on getting myself back into the blogging groove after my long Christmas-period break. Then come March, I could really give freelance journalism an earnest try, despite the warnings from more seasoned pros that I probably have a better chance of being struck by lightning while driving an SUV to a Miley Cyrus concert (i.e. highly bloody unlikely). It couldn’t hurt to try, right? But again, that little voice in the back of my mind whispers: But what if you fail? What if you’re not good enough, or experienced enough, or can’t even get your foot in the bloody door (the editor’s inbox)? How will you justify all that money spent on your two days of paid childcare, just frittered away on a hopeless pipe dream? How crushed and humiliated will you feel if you don’t sell a single article in those few months? How will you face your husband when he comes home after a 12 hour day and you’ve not made a penny? How long can you keep kidding yourself that you’re ever going to become a successful journalist?
That voice is annoying. And pessimistic. And horrible. I know this. But still, it comes, usually at night when I’m lying in the dark trying to fall asleep and a thousand thoughts and worries are racing around and colliding in my head.
Then I tell myself that on the positive side, if by June or July the freelance thing looked like it might bring in some income, even if not substantial, I could go ahead and do the doula and childbirth educator training I’ve been thinking of doing for the past couple years so that I’m ready to begin teaching classes and attending births (and earning money) by the end of the calendar year. That way I’d have two different careers, both done independently and from home, one of which would hopefully pick up the slack when clients/jobs were lean. This would allow me to stay at home, even if I needed to pay for part-time childcare, and a) be more present for my children, b) earn some money for our household and c) keep writing and working on my personal projects while pursuing my career ambitions until I’m ready to return to the kinds of jobs that require so much more of me than I think I can give right now.
Just to complete the wishy-washiness trifecta, I then waver back the other way and think that I should just forget about all of this freelance and doula malarkey and just get a job when TNC starts school and have the stability of a steady, known income and someone else to worry about covering for me when I’m sick and figuring out how much tax I owe. If I knew I could get a decently-paid and interesting job at an activist organisation doing something that I’m passionate about, I’d do it in a heartbeat. But I’d be competing for the kinds of jobs that usually go to graduates fresh out of university, willing to do unpaid internships and work until the job is done, no matter how late, and to attend parties and functions to woo clients and donors or persuade MPs. Who is going to hire a 30-year-old mother of two who has been out of the workforce for 4-5 years and who only has as much work experience in her field as someone who was born a decade later; someone willing to work for less than the living wage just to get their foot in the door because they’re still living with their parents and aren’t paying a mortgage, bills, school fees, pension plans, etc..?
See? It’s never-ending. Each pro has two cons and vice versa. I can’t seem to make up my mind what I’d like to do most, or what is most realistic. And I struggle with focusing on one choice and going for it instead of considering three or four and never doing anything about them because there are too many options.
This is why I pour a large glass of red wine every Friday night and fold myself into my cosy armchair, full of dreams, fears, possibilities and uncertainties. I usually reserve these thoughts only for my personal wallowing sessions, but tonight, in desperation, I’m pinging it over to you. If anyone has any light to shed, experiences to share or suggestions to give, I’m all ears!
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Boy, can I relate! When my youngest was four, I got a job that was only supposed to be temporary, but I stayed there for 16 years. Why? Because we got so we depended on the money. (Plus I got a divorce, so I really couldn’t afford to quit. Or so I told myself.) I hated the job but it paid fairly well for someone with no degree. But all I wanted to do was write and I wish now I’d had the guts to give that a go. Now I’m almost 58 years old and finding it hard to start a writing career after years of putting it off and talking myself out of being able to do it. (“You’re not talented, or determined, enough to make it as a writer. Better to stick with the paid job.) I’m retired now, on disability (partly because of the job), and have all the time in the world to write, but I’m still suffering from lack of self-confidence.
I tell you all this not because I think you should do what I did or didn’t do. I don’t have any answers for you. Having said that, I think it is best to follow your heart. No matter how much money you make it will never be enough. But I wouldn’t let the fact that you’re 30 and have two kids keep you from going after a career that you really want. After all, you can always write about it. I’m pulling for you. Keep sharing!
Oh my gosh it’s as if you have read my mind and very eloquently transcribed my own thoughts and fears.
I understand exactly what you are going through, I left a good but very un family friendly job when I had my 1st baby. After I had my 3rd child in 3 years I realised I couldn’t afford to go out to work until they were all at school full time. (me and my Mr don’t tend to plan ahead).
We needed money fast and I was all set to go and do weekend night shifts shelf stacking somewhere but I was lucky enough to be offered an internet based job working from home.
This job has saved me in so many ways. Saved me from losing my self respect, saved me from going into more debt and saved me from worrying about what to do when I do go back to work fulltime. I think I’ve found my writing niche as a social networking coordinator and I hope it will open up many opportunities in future.
Anyway, sorry for rambling on about me, this is your post after all. But I just wanted to say I really hope you find the right path. I think you already know in your heart what you want to do. From what I can see, it’s working from home for yourself that will make you the most happy. You are obviously a very talented writer and it would be a real shame if you didn’t try to make your living this way.
Best of luck in your quest, and thank you for sharing your lovely words x
I know of very few people who don’t feel that same way… with or without kids.
I think you just take opportunities as they come, and constantly refine your course. getting from A to B is rarely a straight line – and sometimes along the way you realise B isn’t that important, or you fall into C and find it’s even a better fit.
all of which is to say: you don’t always have to have it all figured out. whatever unfolds will be what’s right for you.
Like Ellen, sadly I don’t have any answers for you.
However, I do think that it’s worth giving the freelance and doula educating a go.
When I started Perform I had high hopes and a vision; but not much else! It’s been a lot of hard work, and I often had ‘wobbles’ about whether or not I could really achieve what I wanted to, but I thoroughly recommend branching out on your own – even though it is scary at times.
I’ve can also relate to the self-doubt – I’ve had those nasty demons whispering ‘what if you’re not good enough?’ in my ear. I just try my best to ignore them!
Best of luck with whichever route you decide to take x
@Ellen – Thank you for your inspiring words, I think you are amazing. You are proof that dreams are not crushed even by years of hardship or just general ‘life getting in the way’ if you don’t let them. I wish you every success in your own writing too.
@Anne – Thank you for stopping by and for your thoughtful comment. I think you’re right that staying home and working for myself is what I’m leaning towards but sometimes it feels so daunting that I’d almost *like* someone to just hand me a job and tell me what to do. Sometimes I want the answers given to me, you know?
@jen – You’re so completely right, as usual. I need to stop stressing about it so much and just DO it. No sense fretting about what might happen, I’ve just got to give it a try and see what happens. Can you come be my life coach?
@Lucy – Wow, your site/business looks great, you’ve done a great job. Thanks for the encouragement.
You know what your ‘dream scenario’ is, give yourself a date by which to achieve it, if it isn’t working out by then revert to next best plan and repeat (that’s what I’m doing in a similar situation)
A number of my friends work as freelance editors, proofreaders and copywriters. They work full time from home and earn a good income. Here’s the but. They were not able to do that initially. They had to work full time for someone else while it took them several years to build up their portfolio. Then they reduced their hours to part-time before becoming completely self-employed. These are talented people all registered with the Society for Editors and Proofreaders.
However, if your husband’s income is sufficient, then it would not matter if you took time working from home to build up your business and your brand, so is it very possible. These friends were the sole breadwinners and that is where the difference may lie.
I work as a freelance writer and editor from home but only about 10 hours a week and the income is not guaranteed. It means I can collect my daughter from school and manage my own time to an extent. So it is perfect. My problem is that I am a single parent so there is no second income coming in. Consequently, I have no option but to return to full time employment within the next 1-2 years.
Readiny my comment back, I may be confusing matters. In summary, if your husband’s income is sufficient then If I were you, I’d attempt to build up your business from home and follow those dreams, but of course it will take time. Go for it!
I second what Rosie says. I am a freelance journalist and business writer and while it is an interesting and fulfilling career, the income is by no means guaranteed and I can only do it because my husband is in a reasonably well-paid job. In an average month (particularly at the moment in this recession) it barely even covers my childcare costs. I also agree that it is easier to set yourself up as a freelance if you have already worked in a staff job at a publication – that is the way you will meet people in order to get commissioned. I worked on magazines for seven years before going freelance.
But that is not a reason not to do it! There are some very good journalism training courses around that will give you an ‘in’ into jobs at the end of them – PMA Training is one, based in Clerkenwell. Of course you are a good writer, but these courses help you to know the tricks of the trade. Good luck x
Well, you taught me a new word: trifecta!
Oh, gosh, I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but I don’t. I wish we lived in the same town, and then we could go out for that glass of wine on a Friday, and mull this over together. I’m in the same place in so many ways – though age is seriously not on my side.
I think you’ll find a way through. It might come down to trying an option, and if it doesn’t work out, (or fulfill you, or pay enough) then being prepared to try something else. That doesn’t mean you’ve made a wrong choice. It might mean that you have to seek before you find. I know I always feel more pressured by a decision if I see it in terms of having to find “the right choice”. There may be several right choices out there – and even a wrong choice can help you on your way if you let it.
You have time (though you hear the clock ticking, I know). You are young (though you don’t feel it, I know, just at this point in time and in comparison with other people in the workplace), and you’ve got energy and enthusiasm and drive. I think you’ll work it out. (This is meant to sound affirming, not patronising – hope it comes across that way.)
Lovely thoughtful post, and comments too. Wanted to add my perspective as a mum who does work full time at a 9-5 office type gig. And that is not to assume that doing so is awful, and parent unfriendly. Admittedly I work for a Biotech company in California, but I can honestly say that despite have 2 kids in the last 4 years I have never felt discriminated against. I have great projects, as much responsibility as I want to take on (Ok maybe a bit more than I want!) and I’ve been promoted (in fact was promoted while on Maternity leave with #2). One way to ensure that you can be as reliable as possible is to share the “sick kid” duties with your partner. In 4 years by sharing this way, neither my husband or I have had to miss a critical meeting. We cover each other for business travel too. I know families in the UK who support each other in much the same way, and I think it can be a great way to live, as equal parents and partners. I wouldn’t say we have quite got there in our family, but some days we are close.
Also wanted to share this good book I ready called “getting things done- the art of stress free productivity” by Paul Allen. One nugget is to break things down into the next actual action that you have to take a plan or dream forward. Maybe its a phone call, a google search, an email, putting your resume on a job board. Take little steps and the plan will unfold itself, but always keep the end goal in sight too. You could take small steps in all the directions you have proposed and see what gathers traction.
I am a huge fan of the doula profession, and think the world definitely needs more of them, how cool that you are thinking of that.
Working with children has to be so difficult to organise, I can’t begin to imagine. I work from home and my daughter who’s 10 is at school most of the day but during the holidays I do find it difficult and am unable to get anything done. I’m a farmer by occupation and manage to run my farm with my husband but I also write fiction, of which I am currently writing a novel. My daughter is autistic so demands my full time attention when she’s at home.
You seem to have a lot of options and a lot of choices to make this year but I feel it will happen for you Whatever you decide to do I wish you lots of luck and happiness, and look forward to catching up with you on your blog.
Crystal xx
You have so many wonderful and thoughtful commenters, NS!
That is because you are so thoughtful. I have complete faith in you. I want to echo, though, what a couple of folks said above. It might be useful to get some networking going at this point. Frankly, you can be the best writer in the world but if you don’t have contacts or even an introduction to possible contacts, your words may never hit the printed page – or your bank account.
You are incredibly talented, and this would be the career that makes you happiest and most fulfilled, I know. As a selfish old friend of yours, I *need* you to write – however and whenever and in whatever shape that is!!! xoxo
the great thing about this is that you will be fantastic at whatever you end up doing, and maybe that ends up being all three of these options over the next several years. beneath your worries i sense a great deal of excitement in moving your career forward, getting back to doing something for yourself that is yours alone. you’ll figure it out because you are talented, smart and motivated and let’s be honest – you tend to pretty much kick ass at everything you take on.
start by making a list of your priorities, ie: write a book, do journalism, extend your family, work outside the home, earn income, etc. List them in the order of importance to you then work on the best way to accomplish them. You are still plenty young so don’t be afraid of failure. There are a couple famous phrases out there to cling to:
“If first you don’t succeed, try try again”
“There is nothing to fear, but fear itself”
“It is better to have tried and failed, then to have never tried at all”
(sorry if they aren’t quoted exactly, but you get the idea).
*Also, if you do some research on the subject, you will undoubtedly find that many successful people have had some type of hardship or disappointment along the way but did not get discouraged enough to stop pursuing their dreams.
Good luck to you, you can do it!!!
Hi NS,
Well, I know your position far too well, I was in uni when I had NP and spent the first two years of her life finishing that degree, without thought for the future at all, other than that vague sense of dread of running out of money when the student loan stopped coming in! When I graduated I was desperate to get a job because I was worried about being out of the workforce for a long time. Plus, I needed to be doing something.
I found a (paid) part-time charity job that sounded perfect, but in reality, it turned my world upside down – to the point where my DH was, and still is, doing practically everything around the house on top of his full time lecturing job. Things are settling down now after 4 months in work, but I’m still not happy with the situation, and seem to be constantly kicking myself for giving up the good thing I had (staying at home).
With my partners income I could stay out of work, but I hated being financially dependent and could never bring myself to ask for things. Working means I have money to buy stuff, but I feel like I’m sacrificing so much for purely materialistic reasons! My job is great in terms of being able to help people and having fulfilling interactions with adults, but it’s not worth the stress I’m experiencing at home because of it. I know I’m lucky, I should take advantage of that situation.
I tell you this not to put you off, but to suggest that whatever you do, make sure it IS what you want to do, and not for the sake of doing it. If I had been honest with myself I would have put aside (what I feel was) my irrational ‘need’ for a job and waited. Waited for what? I don’t know. I had convictions that I would stay at home until she started school, I now know that those convictions are actually very important to me and I want to go back to that.
I’m on a fixed contract, so have decided to leave once that is up, whether they choose to renew it or not. That will give me 6 months with NP before she starts her free pre-school place – something that would free me up again to find out what it really is I want to do.
Sorry for the essay, I can’t really talk about it anywhere else and you really sparked something tonight!
You have my very best wishes, good luck with your decision and feel free to get in touch if you want to talk about it all
Difficult, isn’t it? Given that none of the options are perfect, however, I would immediately say let go of those which don’t appeal to you except in a financial sense – i.e. working for somebody else. Your kids won’t miss holidays – kids prefer days at Weston-Super-Mare riding a donkey to anything more expensive in my experience. And for you – holidays with kids? Pah! It’s just childcare in a different place. As long as nobody’s going to starve, let it go and focus on your own desires; far from being selfish this is the best way to ensure that everybody in your family is happy – a happy mother makes a happy home. Trite but true methinks.
As a true flibbertigibbet myself, the one thing I would advise is make a plan, preferably a five year plan, with a more detailed one-year version of it. And as for ‘will it work, will it be a waste of time’, I happily quote Samuel Beckett: ‘No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.’ I quote this to myself every time I start yet another new novel ha ha!
One other thing: whatever you decide to do from home, make it clear to all concerned that THIS IS YOUR JOB. So whatever time you allocate to it, that time is sacred and should be treated by others as if you were away in an office. I do my work whilst the eldest is at school and the baby’s sleeping (fortunately still 3-4 hours a day) and these hours are sacred. I don’t do housework or any of that crap and if that means the BoogieMeister comes home to a house as trashed as it was when he left then, hey, so be it. I’m not a housemaid, I HAVE A JOB! The fact that it currently pays me diddly-squat is entirely immaterial…
I really really emphasise with you on this one. I feel the same way and spent most of the weekend having a crisis of confidence triggered by being asked to apply for a job (parttime short term consultancy) then not getting it, then thinking I was never going to get anything.
I actually wrote a post about it on Friday – mainly focussing on how I’ve totally lost confidence in my abilities and on top of all the other things, I am actually SCARED of going back to work, even to a job that I know I can do. If you are interested the link is
http://britsinbosnia.blogspot.com/2010/01/great-work-confidence-trick.html
@Little Mummy – That’s great advice, thank you. One step at a time…
@Rosie – Yes, what you said is what I’ve come to realise. It’s going to be very difficult to get my foot in the door with no previous staff experience (unless you count online stuff). I’ll give it a shot though.
@nappy valley girl – Great suggestion, I’ll look into that.
@Iota – Not patronising at all, thank you.
@geekymummy – Thank you for your perspective, I appreciate it. It sounds like you have a great set-up! I’ll check out that book.
@Crystal – Thank you. I need to catch up with your blog as well. I’m so behind on my RSS reader!
@andrea – Yes, I do need to start schmoozing, don’t I? Maybe I should just start hanging around pubs near the big publications’ offices and get the editors drunk before convincing them to give me a full-page spread column, with a six-figure salary alongside? It could work!
@andrea – Aw, thanks sis!
@the bad aunt – You’re right, I’ve got to think more positively. Thanks for the good vibes!
@Liz – Your comment has given me a lot to think about; thank you. And I hope things work out for you too.
@Mistress of Boogie – You’re right, carving out that space and time for myself will be a challenge. Luckily my husband doesn’t give a toss what the house looks like and he cooks all of our meals so all I have to do is keep the children alive and the bills paid and shopping done. Woot!
@Brit in Bosnia – Thanks for your comment and commiserations. It seems we are in the same place! Maybe it’s a January thing…new year, new possibilities, new expectations…it’s all a bit daunting but exciting at the same time! Good luck to you in your endeavours, I’m sure you’ll get there in the end, as will I. x
Hi, It’s Cloudgazer from twitter, yea, that cranky girl who goes on about this and that and who promised you that I would reply.
This blog, very well written, if I may say so, rang so many bells with me, that even though I am writing tired out -from paid work;-), I just felt compelled to give you, what I hope to be a helpful reply.
This is my take on it for what it is worth:
I have been in paid professional employment for 27yrs. Apart from 4 months maternity leave, I have never had much of an option but to work. I read comment one, where you can’t afford to leave a job because you get used to the money and need it. That is true.
Tired and burnt out having struggled with the child care, the balls, the juggling and the hours- all of which were part-time after Kathryn was born, it has not been an easy feat. (But I would have still choosen to work overall, just wish I could have taken more breaks and had more choices).
Yes, I had a husband in the same profession-nursing to empathise and share the load. I was lucky to have a man willing to help dish up a meal after the shift, look after the baby and fling the hoover around once in a while. But it was still bloody hard. I had paid childcare and it was good.
Being honest, I would have loved to have had the CHOICE of being a homemaker for a while and desperate now at aged 45 to be where you are and have a chance to re-charge batteries and take a break.
Anyway, that is me and we need to talk about you.
My confidence and believe- inspite of having a career came back when I returned to Higher Education at aged 41. It was enlightening because it makes you stand back and analyise things. Question what you are doing.
I too like you dream of writing more and in my case do more for Human rights and women causes.
In terms of your goals and aspirations, I would strongely suggest some structured career’s adivce and to go into serious journalism, with any good chance, a return to part-time education would be good to give you some solid qualifications.
I am becoming an OU student on May of this yr and they offer excellent courses from level 1 up to degree and cost-effective too. You may even be able to get some financial assitance.
Working for yourself has it’s advantages and pitfulls. Having a secure income is good, but yes, can restrict you in other ways. I have never dared ventured down this rd, having had secure wages, sickness pay, pension and holidays. To be self-employed is brave but many I know have not looked back. It all depends on how you handle risk and how much you need an regular income.
Back on the writing side, I know of more than one published writer and have had their advice. You need to research your market carefully about the written piece/work you are offering and what that paper or mag is asking for. A letter to any editor with an idea of a theme asking for word count and any other requirements is always a good idea. And then to expect 101 rejections. Again, I have not as yet dipped my toe in the water but hope to soon.
I am strong believer that networking and starting small can lead to something big. A foot in the door is worth two in the hand and a lucky break a golden nugget. Any job that you could enjoy would build skills, discipline and confidence in the work place. But then you know that already.
Finally, like me, I see you as a well of experienced and untaped resources with intelligence and much to give. Go for it!
No, don’t sit on the sofa for the next 10yrs- 30 is a great age. More difficult when you are 45 like me. Don’t let the kids put you off either. You can be such a great role model for them and they can quickly ajust, but mum needs to be HAPPY in what she is doing. That is the key.
Is that any help? Tells us how you go. I have added you to my own blogroll.
Oh lovely it is hard but it sounds to me as if you have lots of great opportunities mapped out that you can achieve
I work full time (well a bit more than full time if I’m honest) and whilst there is the wrench from leaving the small people behind there is also an awful lot of satisfaction from using my brain, enjoying being me rather than a mum and getting away from the house – it can work, yes sometimes it goes wrong but often it can be great for everyone
This is so true!
My daughters are always asking me ‘what did you want to be when you grew up Mummy?’, as though I should know now, should be doing it, should be grown up even!
I am 31 and still change my mind every day, if not every hour, particularly in the snowy weather. I work at home but am yearning for a warm office full of other Real Grown Ups who will chat to me and make me coffee in big mugs.
I’m a little bit late to this, and many people have already said some really helpful things. I appreciate your dilemma and it is similar to my own. It’s a confusing and painful but also exciting place to be. I wanted to reiterate what geekymummy said about assuming paid work will be like that. Up until the last couple of weeks I’ve worked full-time and I also don’t think I’ve been discriminated against in any way for taking mat leave or having a small child – maybe because I am in the public sector – but I have understanding and sympathetic employers, flex, a log-in and laptop at home, a workplace nursery which gives me a discount. I was just offered a new job this week which is a promotion, and potentially they may considerd making it a job share. They have bent over backwards to accomodate me really, although without sounding arrogant that’s also because I’m good at what I do and I work hard!
It is tricky at times, and I do sometimes complain about the lack of headspace to write, but hey, I’ve managed to get a quarter of the way through a redraft of my novel and some blogging in over the past few months. One thing that has helped enormously is getting a better balance in terms of housework.
One thing that screams loudly at me from your post is the issue of confidence and I wonder if that is at the heart of this? Worrying about what you should be doing, or what others think you should be. And also letting the ignorant f***wits like the guy who penned that billboard (and yeah, I did suck in my breath when I saw it) get to you.
The great thing is, it doesn’t have to be an either/or. You have lots of options to explore and whilst that’s scary it is also exciting. And you do have time. Particularly with the writing, it is something that can be done in addition to children and job and family, in your spare time.
Sorry this has got a bit long. The last thing I’ll say is maybe one thing that might help is not so much to find ‘the answer’ but to learn to accept, live with and even enjoy the uncertainty.
[...] the other day, amity wrote a blog post about not knowing which direction to head in her future. and i, (always so quick with the sage [...]
I’m about to have a child. My wife is coming up on 37 weeks, and it looks like the baby boy isn’t going to wait for the 40 wk mark.
At the same time, I have taken a HUGE risk and decided to try and make my freelance photography and graphic/web design an actual career… as in not having to work a second or third job to pay the bills.
Scares the bejezuz outta me.
But, I am so happy. I am doing what I love to do (and getting some really positive feed back as well). I am learning as I go, and streatching my self in ways that I need and love.
All my worries are financially related. While they are things I have to consider, I won’t let money rule my passions.
Amity, you are a great writer, and I do believe that you can actualy do what it is your heart is telling you to. You can do it, and the time has never been better.
As someone who is trying to do what he loves and support a budding family let me say: it’s hard but so worth it.
Tell the fears to shut the hell up, and go for it!
I think you should definitely go for it. Who knows, you could get hit by a bus tomorrow, and then you’ll never know what could have happened if you took the plunge and reached for your dreams. There’s not much that I haven’t tried that I still have dreams about, and most of it concerns financially walls that are hindering me…but if I have the means, and I can figure it out, I generally go for it. You should. You’ll never know how far you can fly if you never take the chance!
-Sylvia