You know you’re the mother of small children when…
NS January 5th, 2010
- You are so used to not being able to shut the bathroom door that you forget to close it when you have other (adult) people over
- You regularly find Calpol crusted into your hair
- You go up to comfort your teething baby on New Year’s Eve and find a way to balance your cocktail glass on the cot
- You recoil from the clock in horror as you crawl into bed at 5am on New Year’s Day, knowing you have a full day of CBeebies, being jumped on and wanting to die a slow, miserable death ahead of you
- You think nothing of wiping your children’s snot on your jeans if a tissue isn’t handy
- You walk into your bathroom to find your 3-year-old’s bottom waving in the air, demanding to be wiped, and a tub full of the lovely bath products your 1-year-old just dumped inside it with exuberance
- You have been given the evil eye for ‘letting your children run wild’ but only seconds later been given the evil eye by someone else for being too harsh in reprimanding them
- You have to use an abacus to figure out when you last had sex (or at least not just a quickie at nap time)
- The thought of falling pregnant again fills you with a fear not unlike that of Sigourney Weaver’s character in Alien when she comes face-to-face with a slimy, monstrous being who wants to make her life miserable and/or eat her innards
- You’re so disillusioned with keeping your already-filthy carpet clean that you don’t bother cleaning up spills anymore
