@Jessica – That’s a positive way to frame it, thanks!

@Lyn – Most couples who lose a child don’t end up staying together so the fact that you guys did says something about how strong your marriage is. I’m certainly glad you were able to find a way to be there for each other instead of grieving separately.

@the bad aunt – Both of those are great ideas!

@Geekymummy – I like the attitude to the wedding: block out the spending and remember the fun! I will employ that strategy from now on.

@A Free Man – I don’t think I would actually change anything either, for the reasons you mentioned, but these are the things that I wonder about most often when trying to imagine how different choices could’ve affected my life.

@jen – Travel over grad school is a good choice, I think. I’d like to do both some day!

if there’s one niggle? that i haven’t got to grad school yet. but given the choice between travelling and grad school, i’d pick travelling every time.

I don’t have many regrets. I have said some hurtful things I wish I could take back, and I treated some good men very badly, but everyone survived and lived to tell the tale. I hope that things stay that way. I will probably regret not spending more time with my parents back in the UK, but will never regret choosing to live here in San Francisco.

Our wedding was pricey, but fabulous. I should regret the spendiness, but don’t. I think maybe I have just blocked the money part out and kept the memories, a strategy I would recommend!

I still have my own last name (Marrying at 34 I was kind of used to it!), and it isn’t a problem at all so far, but I can see the reasons why it is a good idea. It is a tricky one for the dedicated feminist, but the choice is yours. If you like you husbands last name better, then that is plenty good reason to take it.

Maybe a husband and wife should just pick a brand new last name for themselves as they start their new life together.

Maybe you and A should start writing short emails to each other in a different language as you start to learn it, might be fun figuring out what each other is saying and figuring out the foreign words to express your message.