Regrets, I’ve had a few
NS September 24th, 2009
I’m not one for dwelling on what might have been, but I do have a few regrets. They’re mostly small things that probably don’t matter too much in the grand scheme of things but I still wonder sometimes. What if…?
- Not doing better in high school – I was certainly intelligent and capable enough to have been in the top 10% of my class so why did I end up only in the top 25% and miss all of the scholarships, grants, etc..? Because I couldn’t be bothered to do the homework and ass-kissing that is required. I’ve always done splendidly at the big tests but couldn’t face the daily grind of homework sheets, quizzes and so on, dragging my overall grade down in the process. My teachers often wrote in my report cards: “Not living up to her full potential.” They knew what I was too arrogant and young to realize
- Never living on my own before getting married – I know that some people hate living on their own and I don’t know for certain how I would like it since I’ve never done it but I’d like to have done it before I settled down with one man to have children. I never experienced that ‘single career gal in the city’ lifestyle, not even for a little while, and I wish I had
- Spending so much money on our wedding — It wasn’t a ridiculous sum of money, just about at the national average at the time, but it was still more than we should’ve spent. I admit, I got a bit carried away with the idea of having a big party. The ‘girly/romantic’ bits didn’t interest me that much, but the band, and the food and the swanky venue? I had so much fun planning that! A little too much, I guess. I wish now that we’d have scaled things way back and used some of the money my parents gave us to pay off debts and student loans, or put towards a down payment for a house. I don’t regret the actual wedding (not at all, it was a blast!) but if I could go back in time I’d cut my budget in half and slap myself silly for spending so much money on silly things like centerpieces and flowers
- Changing my name — I actually didn’t take The Noble Husband’s name upon marrying him and was perfectly happy with that decision. However, six years later, when I found myself heavily pregnant with our first child and fretting about how complicated it would be to have a different name to my husband and child, I went ahead and did it. Besides the social and bureaucratic reasons, it also just felt a little unfair, emotionally, to do all the hard work of carrying and bearing a child and then feel detached from it on every little piece of paper I fill out and in every social situation for the rest of our lives. TNH had no problem with me not changing my name but he didn’t want to combine his name with mine or create a new one. Growing up, he had a double-barreled name, which he hated, and had changed his name to only one of them. So going back to two wasn’t an option for him. Instead of coming up with another solution or standing my ground, I just changed my name. I really like my husband’s surname and I don’t feel like I became his property or lost my old identity somehow but I do think it’s unfair that I won’t share my original surname with my children simply because I am their mother and my name is not deemed as important
- Not establishing healthier eating and exercise habits — I had the opportunity to decide how I was going to manage my diet and physical activity upon leaving home and went the lazy route. Now I find it a real struggle to get out of a lifetime of bad habits. I’m slowly trying to rebuild them but it feels like a constant battle. And it’s not about appearance or thinness or anything like that. It’s just about giving my body what it needs to feel good and knowing that I’m letting it (and ultimately, my health) down
- Not learning a second language — It gets harder as you get older and I just don’t have that natural knack for languages, like some do. I get embarrassed too easily when I get things wrong, especially things that I think will make me look ‘uncultured’ or ‘unworldly’ and so I’m afraid to open my mouth around native speakers or those who are fluent. I took three years of Spanish in college, I should be fairly decent at speaking and understanding it but I’m pretty crap, really. I can read it fairly well and write it okay but my person-to-person comprehension and conversational skills are poor. I keep vowing to dive back into it but I know that, realistically, it won’t happen until both kids are at school. It requires dedication and time that I just don’t have right now. Hopefully someday…
Geez, reading back over those you’d think I was regretting getting married! I assure you (and you, TNH!) that that’s not the case. The fact is, though, that I got married very young (20) and so there are certain aspects of life that I simply didn’t experience. On the other hand, I don’t feel that I “missed out” because TNH and I were married for several years before we began having children and we had a rollicking good time during those years. That’s one thing I’ve had zero regrets about — my relationship with him. I know I can’t see into the future but I’m fairly certain he and I are going to last.
What about you, what are your biggest regrets?
