Stick to the mall, sweetheart
NS July 27th, 2009
[Warning: This is a vent about some crap said about certain happenings and goings-on at BlogHer, and I wasn't even there. If that pisses you off, or if you're totally uninterested, look away. I'm just a rantin']
Unless you’ve been under a rock (i.e. aren’t on Twitter), you’ll know that this past weekend was the BlogHer conference in Chicago, an annual event where female bloggers (and a few dudes!) from across the globe come together to explore issues relating to that funny little thing we call the blogosphere. People agonised over what to wear, who to room with and which parties to go to. To be honest, I was sick of hearing about BlogHer from the excited participants before it began and I wasn’t even attending! That’s more to do with my curmudgeonliness than anything else, and perhaps a pinch of jealousy, but when one’s Twitter stream is filled up with news of it for days, it can get a bit old.
Anyway, from what I gathered through reading others’ accounts, it’s kind of like a combination sorority function/business luncheon, with everyone broken into “tribes” to network and party with like-minded folks. There are tears, laughs, arguments, drunken escapades, inspiring speeches…and an endless array of free crap from the companies sponsoring it. These freebies are called ‘swag’ and apparently many of those at BlogHer were acting like flesh-eating zombies who don’t mind throwing an elbow or baring teeth to get to their prey…the free shit.
Particularly greedy in their swag-lust were the mommy bloggers, according to attendee Motherhood Uncensored in her post entitled “Not all bloggers are like that.” Many of the commenters agreed with her: mommy blogging has become very ugly indeed, and those who aren’t money-hungry soul-suckers would be best to avoid that label until Respect and Decency are brought back to the mommy blogosphere. They all applauded the introduction of a concept called “Blogging with Integrity” that was heralded at the conference and encouraged one another to embrace it to counteract the crazy swag-snatching whores.
Now, I realise that it must’ve been annoying, even infuriating, to be run over by these bloggers’ lust for more stuff, and that it is frustrating to see blogging turned into one big circle jerk of self-promotion (because I hate it too, I really do), but I get annoyed when I read stuff like this because guess what? Just because we’re all bloggers and mothers doesn’t mean we all operate under the same “rules of engagement” as one commenter suggested, nor do we have the same desires and goals. It certainly doesn’t mean we have to tow the line in deference to some kind of pack mentality that says what each of us does, we all do; what each of us says, we all say. Bullshit! It’s thinking like that that strips away womens’ individuality and makes us all part of some pseudo “team” that we’re each supposed to morally conform to and represent. Just like ‘sluts’ in the 50s and 60s who gave all women everywhere a bad name with their loose ways (ahem) and the feminist career women of the 70s and 80s who were an affront to “regular women” (ha!), bundling us all together and taking individual actions as indicative of an entire gender’s motives is not really progressive, or inclusive of differences among us. We are already constantly pressured to be bastions of morality, warned that if we fall outside of what makes us look good as a whole, our integrity, reputations and self-respect as individuals are at stake; not least of all with other women. It’s very similar to arguments for “female purity” by virginity-preserving crusaders, funnily enough.
One commenter on this post emphasized this by saying: “Your actions reflect on all of us,” in reference to not only the consumer-crazed women but a blogger named Esther who tried to bring her nursing baby into an evening cocktail party thrown by Nikon and then, when she was turned away, vented her frustration on Twitter with a tongue-in-cheek #nikonhatesbabies tag. This was viewed nearly as contemptuously as the gift-grabbers. The entitlement! The gall! The humanity!
Considering the fact that the baby was nursing and Esther was presumably not a Chicagoan with childcare right around the corner, what choice did she have except to go with her baby or miss out? She was remiss in not checking beforehand and says so herself in the comments section, but she figured a babe-in-arms dependent on her for nutrition and unable to run around or destroy anything AT A WOMEN’S EVENT would be okay — it may be poor social etiquette, given our disdain for children in adult spaces (and I do think there are some lines to be drawn, though not nearly as many as currently exist) but is it really so horrifying? And if so, what does that say about how we segregate adults from chlidren and, subsequently, mothers from the general public, particularly those who are breastfeeding? They are particularly affected by these lines in the sand about where is and is not an acceptable place to bring a baby because for them it is not as simple as “Get a babysitter,” the expression always thrown around in these types of conversation.
Class privilege in assuming one can afford and locate an out-of-town babysitter aside, Esther’s only ‘crime’ was thinking she could mix parenting with having fun and networking. From what I’ve read, she was initially (and understandably) disappointed that she didn’t get to go but she wasn’t asking for special treatment, she just made an honest mistake in thinking that her baby would be welcome there. But even though Esther had already expressed misgivings for her mistake and said that she had talked to Nikon and all had been smoothed over, the disparaging comments still came rolling in.
“Some mommy bloggers are so self righteous.”
“[I] cringed every time I read a blog post this weekend where bloggers said about taking children seemingly with no sitter of some sort in tow. It’s a blogger convention, not Sesame Street.”
“It’s pretty shocking that anyone thinks that it is okay to take a baby to a cocktail party.”
“Why would you bring a baby to a loud party, anyway? With alcohol, and candles, and so many people, and loud music and voices, and people smoking? [What sordid things could a baby do with alcohol and candles, pray tell? Unless you're saying mothers can't be trusted to drink responsibily around their children? And it's illegal to smoke indoors in Chicago, so that wouldn't have been an issue at all]Give me a break.”
“A private party is not the mall.”
So breastfeeding women (and anyone who can’t afford or find a babysitter) should just stick to Sesame Street and the mall while the more glamorous ladies with nannies get drunk on daiquiris and congratulate themselves on “thinking ahead” (i.e. being middle class and not being restricted by a nursing infant’s needs or their incomes)? Okay, got it.
And if THAT is what constitutes good “mommy blogging” these days, I want no part of it either.
