@Strawberry – How awful, I’m sorry someone was so insensitive to you at such a sensitive time.

@A Free Man – It brings back my customer service days too. Usually in a cold sweat! Some people are absolutely horrible to those in the service industry. I didn’t mean to say that only women experience this attitude, I include men in the service industries in this attitude too. I saw my male coworkers get just as many superior, pompous asses on a power trip as the females did. However, I still maintain that there is more of an expectation of women to present a bubbly and smiley (and, oftentimes, flirty) demeanour when performing that service. Men and women alike are treated like dirt by these power-tripping individuals but I’ve seen my male counterparts get great tips without ever cracking a smile. So long as they were providing fast, polite service it seemed they were usually okay, whereas us gals seemed to be expected to be more outwardly bubbly and were often specifically told to ‘smile’ if we wanted a tip. I could usually tell what type of person (usually a man or group of men) would tip better if they got the whole “performance” out of me, which including beaming smiles, giggles, eye contact, etc.. I once had a group of firefighters tell me specifically that they would tip me very well if I kept up the drinks and the flirting all night. I did it because I needed the money but it felt very…icky.

I can understand that people want to do something to brighten the day of someone who looks like they could with a bit of brightness, but I actually don’t know how it can be done without causing offense.

@Nicola – Thank you for sharing your perspective on this, I found your comments very interesting. I can imagine how tiresome it must’ve been to feel like you had to brighten your face and mood for the benefit of others, when you were going through so much turmoil inside.

@SingleParentDad – I can’t stand the forced niceness either. If someone wants to smile at me, great. If not, I’ll settle for polite and efficient. I hate that cheery cheery crap that some servers adopt. It’s so obvious when it’s being done as a ‘show.’

@andrea – Wow, thanks!

@Becky – Glad I’m not the only one dropping the F-bomb on people who do this.

@the bad aunt – I wouldn’t mind if someone was genuinely concerned about me and wanted to help, or just smiled at me to try to lift my mood, but just telling me to smile as they walk by doesn’t seem to be a real attempt to connect or make me feel better. It feels like an attempt to control my mood or emotions or to intimidate me into smiling, thereby giving them a reason to come talk to me or hit on me, or just to make *themselves* feel good.

@Krista – I think it’s certainly possible that some people use comments like these to try to connect to another person and in some instances (with the right situation and in the right tone) it can be done tactfully and with genuine concern, but the majority of the ‘Smile!’ comments I got were from strange men who were either intimidating in their approach and stance as they said it, clearly enjoying making me uncomfortable or angry, or they seemed to say it very sexually, looking for an ‘invitation’ to come talk to me. It rarely felt like an honest attempt at conversation. If someone wanted to do that they would do better to stop and say “Hey, I noticed you look upset. Is there anything I can do to help?” not just command me to smile, as if that will make everything better.

@Iota – I know, isn’t it stupid? As if the only reasons people ever look upset or angry or worried are superficial ones that will melt away with one smile. *rolls eyes*