Three: a study in irrationality and cunning
NS May 26th, 2009
Interacting with The Noble Child all day is at times extraordinarily frustrating and, at others, extremely amusing. A lot of what she says and does falls somewhere in between the two. Her inability to understand certain concepts while at the same time being able to exploit situations or people to get what she wants often takes me aback. This is what being three is all about. Take, for example, some recent antics.
At her 3rd birthday party
Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you
Happy birthdaaaaay dear The Noble Child
Happy birthday to you
“Here’s your cupcake!”
[Takes a bite] “Oh thank you, this is deeeeelicious!”
(Two minutes later): “Mummy, I dropped my cupcake, can I have a different one?”
“Aww. Sure, here you go.” [Looks over in time to see TNC lick the icing off the top off then throw the rest on the floor behind her chair, where the previous cupcake had met the same fate and been discarded]
Upon refusing to eat her dinner and then locking me into the dining room and taking the key out of the door whilst I fed her brother
“I got the key, Mummy!”
“Child, you’d best put that key back in the door and let me out.”
“No! I don’t want to eat my chicken and cous cous. I want a biscuit.”
“You can’t have a biscuit if you haven’t eaten your dinner. Just unlock the door.”
“Look my face.”
“What?”
“Look my face, I said”
“But I can’t see your face, you’re on the other side of the door.”
“Listen to me when I talking to you! I’m Mummy and you’re me.”
“Oh, right. We’re playing that game, are we? Okay then, ‘Please let me out, Mummy!’”
“Not until you eat all your dinner up so you get bigger bigger bigger!”
“But I’m not hungry. I want to play! Pleeeease let me out?”
“No. I’m the Mummy and I say eat your dinner!”
“Okay, fine [gobbles up the last of the child's dinner]. All gone! Now unlock this door.”
[Opens door] “Good girl, you eat it all up! Now I get a biscuit.”
Damn, she’s good.
Trying to grasp the concept of the new sticker chart, whereupon she must earn five stickers for good behaviour to get a treat or reward
“Well done, TNC, you get a sticker for that!”
“Do I get a treat now?”
“No, not yet. You’ve got two stickers now so you must earn three more to get a treat.”
“Can I have more stickers now?”
“No, you have to earn them by doing nice things, like picking up your toys or eating your dinner or getting dressed without screaming. Once you get five stickers for doing those things, you can have a treat.”
“Yes, I’d like a treat.”
“Good, then you just need to do three more nice things and you’ll get one.”
“Can I have a treat now?”
Sigh.
On comprehending that she gets a sticker for sharing toys with The Noble Baby
“I was a good girl and shared my toy with him so that means I get a sticker!”
“Yes, that’s right, well done!”
[TNC grabs the toy back from her brother] “Hey, wait, that’s not very nice, you’re supposed to be sharing.”
“I *am* sharing, Mummy. Look, I give it back to him again. That means I get ANOTHER sticker!”
“It doesn’t really work like that…”
“Do I get a treat now?”
“Do you have five stickers?”
“Yes.”
“No, you don’t. You have four. See? One, two, three, four stickers. You need one more before you get a treat.”
[She grabs the toy out of TNB's hands again, causing him to wail] “Okay, I give it back to him now, see? NOW I get five stickers and NOW I get a treat. Hooray!”
[Trying to soothe crying baby and fed up with the whole thing now] “Yeah, whatever, go on then. Have your treat. Off you go.”
I pause and then call out after her: “But eat Daddy’s chocolate, not Mummy’s. You have to get ten stickers for that.”
