NS May 13th, 2009

Have you ever been the only one in the room?

Not alone in a room, no. I mean the only (fill in the blank) in a room full of people. If you haven’t you should. Not much else has a way of humbling, frightening and enlightening like this simple act does. Being the only _______ in a room has the ability to highlight socioeconomic or cultural divisions that you might not have otherwise noticed. Being the only ______ in a room has the ability to force us outside of our comfort zones, thereby acknowledging our privileges or questioning our Otherness.

As a white, straight, able-bodied, educated, English-speaking, partnered, middle class woman living in an influential, Christian-centric, industrialized nation, I have many layers of privilege that pad my life and protect me from the hardships of reality that the majority of people in the world experience on a daily basis. I have the luxury to pick and choose which causes I will campaign for or against, which charities I will donate to and which issues I will hold close to my heart. I have the ability to be amongst my peers 99% of the time. Even when I was the only ____ in a room, it was almost always a choice, sometimes even one I had to seek out.

For example, I took a Black Politics class at university, partly because it fulfilled a qualification for my degree but also because I wanted to put myself outside of my ‘comfort zone.’ Now, by that I don’t mean that I was uncomfortable around black folks beforehand but the truth is that I hadn’t ever been in a situation in which I was the racial minority. Growing up in Podunk, Midwest USA will do that. So I signed up for the class not only looking forward to learning more about the subject matter but also to acknowledge my privilege and be humbled by it. That I was the only white person who signed up for the class reinforced to me the division of race on campuses (and society as a whole) with anything outside the norm being made into a ‘special class’ to placate the few.

I didn’t want to intrude or feel like an interloper on what was sure to be an important and emotional subject to the black students in the room, but at the same time I wanted to experience that uncomfortable feeling of….guilt, perhaps? Shame? Regret?….when we discussed the Civil Rights Movement and the centuries of oppression their ancestors and they themselves had experienced. It doesn’t mean I felt personally responsible for these things but was able to admit that I had, in fact, had advantages in life as a result of the oppression of an entire race of people. As awkward as it felt at times, I’m glad I took that class. I learned a lot about respecting the emotional and public space of those with less privilege than me, and to keep my mouth shut and listen for a change. That I was able to choose to put myself in a position of minority only reinforced the extent of my privilege though. Very humbling indeed.

As it is, I have still never been:

The only able-bodied person in a room full of those with disabilities

The only educated, middle class person in a room full of the working class or poor

The only English-speaking person in a room full of people who didn’t

The only Christian culture-centric person in a room full of non-Christian-centric people

At other times I have been the only:

parent in a room full of those without children

woman in a room full of men

American in a room full of other nationalities

straight person in a room full of GLBT folks

and they were all very different experiences. Sometimes it was enlightening, at other times frustrating, or even frightening. Most of the time the differences between us didn’t even appear to be an issue, but they were always there, lurking. For all the common threads we have running between us, the ones that are missing make the social web we all share that little bit weaker. But does it have to be? What can we do to combat it? Can we really foster positive associations of one another without discussing the elephant in the room: Power?

I’m no expert on these issues so don’t take what I say as gospel by any means, but I think it’s important to step outside that ‘comfort zone’ from time to time, even if it means actively choosing to do so. Use that experience to examine your prejudices, misconceptions, strengths, weaknesses and, most of all, privilege. Listen to what others are saying instead of making it about how these issues make YOU, the more powerful part of the equation, feel. Respect the space and need of these groups to include or exclude you as they see fit. Forcing your way in, demanding a “better understanding” and that you all start “working together” makes it all about you again and should be avoided. In short, shut your trap and do some thinking while you have the opportunity to be put in a situation where you’re not automatically afforded better, more varied or numerous opportunities because of what’s between your legs, on your skin, your passport, or rolling off your tongue. I can assure you that you won’t regret it.

• Activism , Miscellaneous Missives , Public Service Announcements
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