NS April 21st, 2009

In this sucktacular economic climate, nearly everyone is downsizing, saving, cutting back and curtailing the ‘extras’.

As a family of four living on one salary in London (always in the top three most expensive cities to live in, no less), we’ve been existing on very limited means since I quit my job in 2006 to look after TNC full time. The Noble Husband makes a decent salary but after paying the mortgage, bills and buying food and necessities, there was very, very little leftover unless he’d done a ton of overtime. We have zero savings, are fully into our overdraft and usually lack the ability to buy new clothes, gadgets and furnishings, or splurge on entertainment.

For us, a day out might be spent going for a walk in the park, window shopping in the retail stores, buying a couple things in the charity shop and sharing a milkshake before heading back home on the train. We aren’t living in poverty by any means but we certainly aren’t rolling in it either. There have been months when we have had to borrow money from TNH’s parents just to be able to eat in the last week before payday. Asking for food money from my inlaws is not an experience I relish, let me tell you. Especially when their son is working all the hours he possibly can and I feel like the tough times are my fault for not earning any money while at home taking care of the children, or for not being enough of a domestic whiz to be able to cook on a shoestring budget or make my own clothes.

Yes, yes, I know everyone spouts off about full-time parenting being the hardest work there is and how unfair it is that it’s completely unpaid. I’m told I should be patting myself on the back for a job well done and just grin and bear it for the sake of the children. But the fact remains that being a stay-at-home-mom ISN’T paid. Full-time care of children isn’t remunerated unless you’re not related to the children, funnily enough. Even then it’s not paid nearly enough for how labor-intensive it is.

I tell myself that learning to live on very little is a character-building, enriching experience and that it’s taught me a lot about consumerism and what we really need to survive and be happy. And it has. But it’s also created a lot of strain in my marriage and impacted my self-worth. It got to the point where I’d rather have gone back to work but couldn’t afford to. Once the childcare costs, travel expenses and other work-related expenses were tallied up, any job I could get outside the home would have us in the hole, not add anything to our coffers. So the only realistic option was for me to work at home. The best of both worlds, being there for my chlidren and bringing in an income. But what in the world would I do? Trying to pitch articles to major magazines hadn’t gone well and I just didn’t have the time to do interviews and all the research for something I might not get paid for.

So it was like a gift from the gods when I saw an ad in Craigslist London for a job that suited me down to the ground. I had all the relevant experience and skills and it was a job that could be done from home, and in the media field. Hallelujah! I was so excited but nervous since I hadn’t applied for a job in a number of years. I felt I had to hide the fact that I’m looking after two children because I didn’t want a potential employer to hold that against me and assume I wouldn’t be able to do the job with two tots at my heels. I mean, it’s a valid concern. I didn’t know how the hell I was going to do it so I can see why an employer would be dubious! But I was determined to make it work, even if it meant going a little bit insane or letting them watch more tv than I’d like.

I got the job in early December and have been doing it ever since. The Noble Baby was only about 10 weeks old when I started but that was a blessing in disguise. Because he was so sleepy and just nursed all the time, I could do my work with him asleep or feeding on my lap and while TNC was either at pre-school or napping. It’s had its challenging days, certainly, but the confidence it has given me and the financial breathing room it has given the entire family has been priceless. It’s not even a lot of money, but it’s enough to allow us those not-essential-but-nice purchases like patio furniture for the garden, a new sling for TNB and new shoes for a wedding we’re going to in May. It means we don’t have to worry that we wont’ have enough grocery money at the end of every month. It means we’ve managed to save up all the spending money we’ll need for our trip to Chicago this summer and I bought myself a new mini laptop to do my writing on. It used to be a room of one’s own that woman needed; now it’s a PC of one’s own.

I was contacted by my client recently and told that he’d reduced the workload for my specific job. My heart sank a little as I imagined my hours (and pay) going down. Could I go back to the land of the broke? My stomach hurt at the thought. But then he told me that he valued my work and instead of reducing my hours, he’d like me to take on more responsibility within the project. So I just got a little promotion and a payrise to boot!

To celebrate, TNH has insisted that I finally buy myself the good camera I’ve been wanting for, oh, ten years now. I tried to think of other things we should be spending the money on but after running through a checklist in my head (bills? paid. vacation? paid for. necessities? all paid for) I realised, with great trepidation and an increasing sense of joy, that it really could be done. I could get my citizenship paid for first, yes, but how boring a first big purchase is that? Besides, I’m not applying until a little later in the year so I have plenty of time to come up with that money. A camera now would mean photos of my beautiful children as they frolic in our garden this summer, photos of TNB crawling and then taking his first steps and photos of TNC as she grows from toddler to pre-schooler.

I feel a slight pang of guilt that while everyone else is worrying about their finances, we’ve never been better off. But I push that thought aside and remind myself that I’ve paid my dues in the Hardships Club.

And so, the camera will be bought. I earned it. And damn if it doesn’t feel great.

• Career , Home and Hearth , Parenting 101
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