NS April 14th, 2009
Things that stop me from becoming a citizen:
I am still on the American side of the fence in the Great Bacon Debate (wherein all Brits claim that American bacon is too fatty and many Yanks such as myself regard British bacon as flaccid and soggy)
I don’t get my panties in a bunch when someone discusses their spending habits, purchases, ambitions, career successes or income. Watching Brits snipe at each other for every supposed ‘transgression’ is like watching a really anoying game show called Who Can Best Deride The Middle Class For Being Snobs (While Simultaneously Looking Down On And Being Part Of The Middle Class). I imagine this is part of dealing with post-Empire guilt but it’s gotten quite out of hand, I must say
I still find it maddening that not much (apart from pubs) is open past 6pm on any given day; 4pm on Sundays
I still don’t know the words to the national anthem. I know most Britons don’t either but it just feels wrong
I don’t like custard, HP sauce, Branston pickle, Marmite, fondant icing or Pimms. I believe they call this Treason
It costs a huge sum of money! About £700 all in. Yes, £700. Do I really want to spend that on a piece of paper and a red passport and so I can vote in the election, should Gordon Brown ever call one?
Things that make me think it would be quite nice to be a UK citizen:
I’d be able to say “Ha! Bugger off you wanker, you can’t tell me to “go back where I came from” anymore as I am a mighty citizen.” Not that I’ve needed to say this on many ocassions but seeing as I was spat on once for being American and was questioned at the Bosnian-Croatian border for having the wrong colour passport, it’s not inconceivable that that little red book would come in handy.
I could vote, even if I do feel that my vote is being wasted a bit more here because of the party/party leader system. A vote is a voice and I’m tired of being silent
I use British slang and swear words naturally now. Nary an ‘awesome’ or ‘neat’ slips out unless I’m talking to another American
I could count myself among the Loyal Subjects to the Queen, as I’m always calling my husband and chlidren
When I become famous, the British public will be able to call me a “national treasure”
I won’t have to try as hard at cooking; everyone will understand if my cuisine suddenly becomes bland (kidding!)
I can get sozzled on a daily basis until I die and not a single AA leaflet will be slipped under my door, nor will there be a Family Intervention. If anything, this will only add to my legacy as aforementioned National Treasure
So what do you think: get that citizenship or just keep coasting along as a permanent resident? Is the £700 and paperwork worth it?
