I breast-fed both my babies for as long as I could. I worked and pumped with my firstborn but I had to pump in a bathroom, and the frequent breaks were obviously bothering my co-workers. I have to admit I was relieved (but sad) when she was weaned. More than one mother gave me grief – none too nicely – about my choice. One said I really shouldn’t be working. When I had requested to cut back my hours to be with my daughter and turned down (“40 or nothing”) I was left with little choice. Being criticized for not bfing combined with the lack of understanding of my boss made for extra stress that any new mother does not need. I was fortunate enough to be home with my son and I planned to bf him as long as I could. He had other ideas. I grieved when he weaned himself but I was also so glad to get my body, my time, my nights… myself back.

A woman who has children obviously has to sacrifice for their welfare – to a certain extent. If a woman completely losses herself and her dreams in the process, what kind of role model will she be to her children?

But I’m still not entirely anti-choice. Why? Because what you do in the beginning of pregnancy echoes at the end of pregnancy. The same argument for outlawing abortion because of “fetus’ rights,” is the same argument used for court-ordered c-sections for VBAC moms and the attempt to outlaw home birth. If you remove choices for some people, someone else may remove your choices. For this reason, I’m not anti-choice.

But because there is another life involved, those choices should be limited. One cannot be allowed to make choices simply based on convenience. That is why I said formula by prescription only. Formula has health risks. It has the potential to harm a baby, but not all women are able to breastfeed. So formula exists for a purpose, and I think it is a good purpose, but the risks are significant and well-documented. However, with our culture of entitlement, entirely too many women are making that choice without understanding the risks, because they don’t have to understand them. They just have to say, “It’s my choice! Don’t judge me!” By putting restrictions on the doling out of formula, you force women to stop and consider carefully before proceeding. I take exception to Rosin’s article precisely because it gives women permission to disregard the risks and give up breastfeeding in the name of “choice.”

I do believe in “you made your bed, now lie in it.” I don’t think children need to suffer because of our lack of planning or desire to be parents. I guess the heart of this debate lies in one’s definition of “suffer.” Then you could branch out into a whole other series of arguments, such as being born into poverty, unhealthy two-parent homes, etc. But in this one case, formula vs. breastfeeding, I feel like the answer is so clear: free, available, healthy, natural feeding trumps costly, wasteful, potentially dangerous, artificial feeding any day of the week.

FWIW, I was a single parent for 10 years with my first child. She was in day care and was fed formula, and seems to have turned out fine. I just never knew that formula had risks, as everyone said it was just a matter of “choice.” That is what I do now: inform women of the risks they are taking, and try to dissuade them from unhealthy choices. But ultimately, the choice is up to them.

@Angie – Very well said! Thanks for stopping by and commenting.

@Lizzy – I used formula supplements with my first child for a few months too, due to weight gain issues. Even though I now realise that I was probably given incorrect information that caused the problem in the first place, it definitely gave me compassion for those who have problems with breastfeeding.

@Mon – I’m sorry things didn’t work out for you but you’ve kept a good attitude about it, which is fantastic. And I did mixed feeding for awhile with my first so you have my full props for putting up with making up all those bottles!

@Chloe – You’ve perfectly illustrated the key message I tried to get across: breastfeeding is wonderful but there’s no shame in admitting that it can be a burden at times too. What we need to work on is alleviating some of the problems that cause it to feel that way. Thanks for sharing your experience.

@Amber – That’s the thing that I’ve found so wonderful about blogging: finding so many other women who aren’t invested in the Judgment Wars. Thanks for commenting.

Anyways, thanks for a thoughtful post. I enjoyed reading it.