All by myself
NS February 4th, 2009
Here’s a fact: When there is someone else around, even for just part of my day, I am an infinitely better mother. My patience levels soar, my affection manifests itself and I feel happier, calmer and more sane all around.
Due to the heavy snowfall that London received a couple days ago, The Noble Husband was forced to work from home both Monday and Tuesday. Just knowing he was upstairs and that I could pop in for a quick chat or ask him to keep an eye on one of the kids while I used the loo or put a load of laundry on made all the difference in my mood. The day flew by instead of dragging on endlessly like it often does when I’m not around any other adults. I can now understand why the 1950s was when we started to see the emergence of the unhappy housewife — it was the beginning of mass movement to the suburbs and isolation for mothers raising children. I truly believe, after logging nearly three years of it, that parenthood is meant to be a shared experience on a much more regular basis than just weekends and evenings.
The irony is, as much as I want company during the day, in the evenings and on weekends I just want to be alone. I dream of uninterrupted baths, laying on the sofa for hours reading a book and going for solitary strolls. Strange, huh?
- Parenting 101
- Comments(8)
Not strange at all. Even mothers who work outside the home crave that time for themselves when they are not exhausted. I know I did when you three were little. And I could have killed for a good night’s sleep yet could rarely make myself “waste” time on sleep if I got some time for myself. I guess that’s why I can get by on 5-6 hours of sleep a night now. There’s so much I want to do and so little time. Just try to enjoy those little ones because it will fly by faster than you can imagine right now.
Interesting! I am a much better mother when I am on my own. It must the extrovert in you (I am assuming) getting her energy from others, where I (introvert) get recharged when I am more alone.
But I agree with you wholeheartedly that motherhood (parenthood) was not meant to be such an isolating experience. I know of two other SAHMs in this neighbourhood, sealed away in their houses all day… just like me… I’ve thought about giving them a ring to get together, but we’ve nothing to get together for, so it would seem a bit odd…
I hear you! I find being alone with my children, more so when they were babies than now, incredibly isolating, even scary. If I see a mother out alone with a pram on the street, I feel that old anxiety rising.
I am also a far better parent when I have company – more patient, calmer and not so reactive – so I am completely grateful for another adult presence. Like you, I crave my alone time and after 8pm don’t want to SEE or HEAR a child.
My husband started working from home a year ago, and while I was dreading it, it’s turned out to be great for me and for the family.
Completely agree that parenting should be a more shared experience. I think one of the things that’s made me more positive about having another child is that this time, being around my home ed peeps I will not be so alone day in and day out in those early years where you don’t get anything back from the child, so to speak. I know it’s an emotional joy, but for a long time they’re just little parasites!
I do mean that in a nice way!
But as “easy” as it is now, I still get hours on Saturday to myself and if I don’t get that me time I get very wound up!
You mentioned being interested in home ed on my blog, well, if you find yourself with a lack of adult company any time you could always go along to home ed meets. They’re also for people with pre-school kids who are curious about or contemplating it.
@Lyn – I’ve definitely found myself doing that; using time I should be sleeping to have some ‘me time’. I’m trying to slow down and enjoy it more but some days I can’t help but want to fast forward a year or two when the screams of both are ringing in my ears. They’re such loud creatures!
@Strawberry – Huh, I hadn’t thought about it like that before, that it might just be because I’m an extrovert at heart. I know I used to be but I thought I’d become more of an introvert in the last few years. I suppose I only did out of circumstance and am still an extrovert at heart. Or maybe I’m just a better parent when someone else is around because I’m afraid they’ll report me.
@Charlotte – So glad to know someone feels the same! I thought it was highly weird to NOT want to be alone during the day but then want nothing more than to be alone at night. I suppose it’s not really such a paradox after all.
@LindsayM – Agree that they are (very cute) parasites in the beginning. Leaching all my energy, that’s for sure! I’m definitely intrigued by the idea of home education but in my heart I really don’t think I’m cut out for it. Who knows, maybe I’ll change my mind when TNC reaches school age but for now I can’t even fathom it, as lovely as it sounds. Will keep reading of your experiences with great interest though!
I completely agree – motherhood is supposed to be team sport. I was home alone with the kids last week because of snow days (after being a wahm for the last 4 months) and I thought I would have to be institutionalized. I stay up way too late just to have alone time after everyone’s gone to bed. Our society does not truly understand just how hard mothering is, because mothers are ashamed to admit the feelings we sometimes have about our kids and our life. We all feel we are one more yell away from being reported but that every other mother has all the patience in the world… it will take a huge shift for this to change.
I know what you mean. I’m only home one day a week with Zach and as much as I value the time with my boy – it’s often quite lonely. There aren’t a ton of stay at home dads around and I just really don’t fit in with stay at home moms. I don’t think I could do it five days a week.
I’m a better mom when I’m on my own with the kids or when I’m around strangers/new friends (we moved 2 yrs ago and I still wouldn’t call anyone here a good friend yet…). I’m at my worst with my husband around. It’s like I save my bad behavior for the person I trust with it most. Not good, eh? I think it’s also related to the fact that I get annoyed that my husband doesn’t do more when he’s around, so there’s a different energy in the air.
Okay. End/confessions!