NS January 17th, 2009

A friend left her heat magazine (a total celeb gossip rag, for those who don’t know) in my car so I brought it inside for a little flip-through. I don’t care what anyone says, that shit is some quality entertainment. I nearly spit my beverage from my nose when I read that Lily Allen was distraught at the seven pounds she’d gained and was looking into gastric bypass surgery or liposuction to resolve this problem becuase she was “digusted with herself.” I mean, come on, how can that not make your day, however crappy it was, ten times better? Hell, I can gain five pounds in just two weeks when I go back to the States for a visit and you don’t see me going to get my jaw wired shut or my stomach stapled. Lily, come live with me for a week and you won’t ever be disgusted with yourself again. You’ll sure as hell remember to take your birth control though.

• Banal Breakdown , Funny Ha-Ha , Human Oddities
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