On a break
NS December 15th, 2008
Dear Internet,
I love you. I really do. But in the famous last words of Ross and Rachel, we need to go on a break.
When I first met you years ago I was able to use you for informational or entertainment purposes and only in small doses. Then I became a stay-at-home mom, isolated from the outside world, and you provided me with adult interaction, virtual shoulders to cry on, advice to consider and others with which to empathise. Blogs and chat forums were like manna straight from Lonely Mama heaven for me. You lured me in further with flashing lights and audio clips. Over time, you made it so I felt that I could only learn, read and interact through you. If I could crush you up with a credit card and snort you up my nose with a £20 note on the back of a pub toilet, I so totally would’ve.
Now, nearly three years into my stay-at-home-parenting gig, you have me in a stranglehold of email accounts, YouTube channels, RSS feeds, chat forums and news sites. I go into withdrawals if I can’t have you, can’t see you or use you. I pace. I get angry. I fidget. I can’t concentrate. All I can think about is when I can see you again. You make me laugh, you make me cry and sometimes you make me want to stomp on your head and throw you out the window.
But you know what, Internet? As much as I love you, I love me and my family more. When you suck my energy, attention and time towards you, I (and they) lose. When I spend two hours every day just reading blogs, another hour a day blogging, and the equivalent of another couple hours browsing forums and news sites, it’s no wonder that things sit undone in my life — books unread on the shelves, the house in a thin layer of filth, my hobbies untouched, friends unvisited, exercise abandoned and, worst of all, my children and marriage unappreciated. The thought that I may miss an opportunity to teach my children something (or learn from them, more likely) or an attempt by my husband to connect, all because I was busy staring at a computer screen, makes me feel queasy. So over this holiday period, and for perhaps a little longer, we are On a Break. I’m putting you down and backing away before I am unable to do either of those things and the choice is no longer mine but made for me.
When I was in college I came perilously close to becoming addicted to drugs, and one in particular. Only a wafer thin line of common sense and sheer luck brought me back from the edge that I teetered on, between Harmless Fun and Life-Altering Ruinous Carnage. The way it started making me feel, making me hate myself for indulging, promising that I wouldn’t do it again or that I’d cut back — that’s the way I’m staring to feel about you. And so, you see, I have to leave you before things get ugly. I don’t want a divorce, just a trial separation. Time away to do some thinking. Find myself again so I have something more to give when I return.
If you can’t wait for me, I’ll understand. Things move fast in your world and what’s out of sight is often out of mind. If you move on before I get back, I want you to know that I will always care for you and remember the good times we had. You helped shape the person I am today and I won’t soon forget that. But now it’s time for me to move on, to quiet the keyboard and still the mouse. To get up off the sofa and put ‘home’ in my house. So it’s farewell for now, I bid you adieu. Merry Christmas, Internet, see you soon.
- Home and Hearth , Miscellaneous Missives
- Comments(15)
Amen to every word you said. I applaud you for recognizing what you need to do and doing it.
we’ll be here waiting! (me and the internetz, that is
)
OMG, I could have written this letter (okay, not as eloquently, but with the same meaning!) including the near-addiction in college. I’m tempting to do the same, but with all addictions, I either have to hit rock bottom or come to terms with it in my own time.
I’ll miss your posts and comments!
Have a great break. I think I’m on one too, though haven’t declared it yet. I’ve had enough and my family need me.
Yep, I totally understand. It’s not easy, but you know when it’s right. The thing that I find most scary is the realisation that most of the people that you spend so much of your time interacting with each day will just let you disappear and then pretty much forget you in a matter of days. After all, as one of them pointed out to me, they don’t even know you. It’s no one’s fault — it’s just the nature of beast — but it’s a really scary thought when you realise how much time and energy you have invested in… nothing.
A blog however, is perhaps a different thing — it’s more of a personal thing, a creative thing, something for you. I hope your time away is good for you and enriching for your family. And then I hope you are able to separate the wheat from the chaff, and return to only those parts of the internet that are a good thing for you. If that includes your blog, I’ll be here reading.
Good for you. I went through the same a while back. I still have some addiction so I often make the husband take a vital wire to work so it’s not even on my mind to resist going online, I simply cannot. And I get so much more achieved without it.
I am much happier grounded in the real world. Like I used to avidly read the news on various news sites. But what did me reading it mean? I can’t do anything about 99% of it. It’s somehow seen as good and educated to know what’s going on in the world, and it’s true that we should not close our eyes and ears to it, but the whole combined thing just leads to a sense that the world is bad and I am powerless in the face of so much of it. And I’m not powerless, I have money and I have time… if I don’t let the latter be sucked up online!
I remember reading somewhere that since the advent of television people spend less time socialising. It got me thinking about the relationship people have with tv, that you “see” people in your house, you build up a “relationship” with them, their lives, if they win or lose, the programme can become real, but it’s all illusion. Like the internet. Obviously, I met a husband on here, and someone who has become a very good real life friend. But most of it is illusion. And you can spend time away (I did at Lent!) and come back and nothing has really changed. Sure posts have been updated, but it’s nothing really different.
One thing I love about church (not suggesting you start going to church!!) is that it’s a real community, with people who really care, and I can get involved in making the area where we live a better place. It’s an antidote to ephemeral relationships and thinking that by reading or writing about something I could change it, rather than getting out there and doing it.
Sorry for the essay!! The internet usage is something I tend to think about. Like when I was depressed it felt like a lifesaver… but was it really? Or did it just mean the illusion of having people around me actually prevented me from getting out among people and thus ended up prolonging my depression. I don’t know!
Merry Christmas. Hope to see you back sometime!
Well, obviously I can never move again. I’ve been gone a few weeks and people are dropping like flies, flies! I hope to hear from you again soon, NS – I will miss you a lot if you leave blogging permanently so I will hope for your limited but eventual return!
Courtney
Perhaps a little trip to the School of Life might be in order:
http://www.theschooloflife.com/about-the-school-of-life.aspx
and maybe a little bibliotherapy on the Christmas list??
http://www.theschooloflife.com/bibliotherapy/how-does-it-work.aspx
I hope you have a great and productive break from t’internet and that I bump into you soon!
Horrah! Oh boy I will make my hubby read this post…with him it’s online game (World of Warcraft) Don’t get me wrong I play it too, but for perhaps an hour or 2 a week. With S we are talking every hour that he isn’t working….or sleeping but even that is optional for the game.
He is risking losing his kids repect, and time that can’t be got back with them. Losing his marriage and wife, and with her his entire support system, since he plays so much he hasn’t the time to stay in touch with his mates etc.
These illusionary ‘social’ and ‘fun’ things are destructive when not monitored. I keep my addictions under control, firmly (however much they beg in whinging voices.)But that is not easy and the lure of the internet, games, tv, drugs whatever is very strong.
Goodluck my dear & I’ll reach youthe old fashioned telephone way now!
Have a great well deserved break! I had one last week while on vacation and it was fabulous.
In reply to Linday, I think it is great to connect with people IRL. For me though, the reality of having small children that need to go to bed at night and can’t be left along, as well as living a 45 minute drive from the city, means that I can’t get together with people IRL as much as I would like. What I love about the Internet is that I can come online and connect with my virtual friends from the comfort of my home. But you do have to seek out true communities to get meaningful relationships.
enjoy your christmas and your time with andrea.
Just before I read your blog, I told my husband to look at my desk. 1 desk, 2 computers, 2 printers, 2 cordless phones, and a cell phone to boot! Good luck to you. It may take a little time and a feeling of self denial for a while but once you make the break, you will feel so alive again. If you feel you need a fix, might just try emailing a little and not internetting. I always tell R that I miss the early days of our marriage when we had one land line phone, 1 tv that picked up 3 channels, and a stereo was the most sophisticated electronic gadget we owned. And I always felt that the new gadgets that were to make our life easier, usually ended up creating stress, especially when they didn’t work right. Maybe a little something for you and M to do would be to let her make pictures and mail them out, and then receive snail mail. Nothing like looking forward to something in the mail.
Love to all of you and enjoy your holidays!!
Everything in moderation…Hope you will be back in moderation soon. (And when you are, don’t even THINK about Facebook or Twitter.) Meanwhile, enjoy your addiction-free break and some quality bonding time with family and real-life friends!
I’ll miss reading your posts but I’m glad for you that you’ve made the right decision for yourself and your family. Good luck with your new job, btw