NS December 15th, 2008

Dear Internet,

I love you. I really do. But in the famous last words of Ross and Rachel, we need to go on a break.

When I first met you years ago I was able to use you for informational or entertainment purposes and only in small doses. Then I became a stay-at-home mom, isolated from the outside world, and you provided me with adult interaction, virtual shoulders to cry on, advice to consider and others with which to empathise. Blogs and chat forums were like manna straight from Lonely Mama heaven for me. You lured me in further with flashing lights and audio clips. Over time, you made it so I felt that I could only learn, read and interact through you. If I could crush you up with a credit card and snort you up my nose with a £20 note on the back of a pub toilet, I so totally would’ve.

Now, nearly three years into my stay-at-home-parenting gig, you have me in a stranglehold of email accounts, YouTube channels, RSS feeds, chat forums and news sites. I go into withdrawals if I can’t have you, can’t see you or use you. I pace. I get angry. I fidget. I can’t concentrate. All I can think about is when I can see you again. You make me laugh, you make me cry and sometimes you make me want to stomp on your head and throw you out the window.

But you know what, Internet? As much as I love you, I love me and my family more. When you suck my energy, attention and time towards you, I (and they) lose. When I spend two hours every day just reading blogs, another hour a day blogging, and the equivalent of another couple hours browsing forums and news sites, it’s no wonder that things sit undone in my life — books unread on the shelves, the house in a thin layer of filth, my hobbies untouched, friends unvisited, exercise abandoned and, worst of all, my children and marriage unappreciated. The thought that I may miss an opportunity to teach my children something (or learn from them, more likely) or an attempt by my husband to connect, all because I was busy staring at a computer screen, makes me feel queasy. So over this holiday period, and for perhaps a little longer, we are On a Break. I’m putting you down and backing away before I am unable to do either of those things and the choice is no longer mine but made for me.

When I was in college I came perilously close to becoming addicted to drugs, and one in particular. Only a wafer thin line of common sense and sheer luck brought me back from the edge that I teetered on, between Harmless Fun and Life-Altering Ruinous Carnage. The way it started making me feel, making me hate myself for indulging, promising that I wouldn’t do it again or that I’d cut back — that’s the way I’m staring to feel about you. And so, you see, I have to leave you before things get ugly. I don’t want a divorce, just a trial separation. Time away to do some thinking. Find myself again so I have something more to give when I return.

If you can’t wait for me, I’ll understand. Things move fast in your world and what’s out of sight is often out of mind. If you move on before I get back, I want you to know that I will always care for you and remember the good times we had. You helped shape the person I am today and I won’t soon forget that. But now it’s time for me to move on, to quiet the keyboard and still the mouse. To get up off the sofa and put ‘home’ in my house. So it’s farewell for now, I bid you adieu. Merry Christmas, Internet, see you soon.

• Home and Hearth , Miscellaneous Missives
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NS December 12th, 2008

You know what angered me today? Boobies.

Let me explain.

I was reading this post over at Passive-Aggressive Notes (love that site) about a woman who was sent an email by her boss about covering up her cleavage. When she submitted it to PAN she said:

“My supervisor sent me this email because apparently someone in our office complained about my shirt. The shirt in question was a run-of-the-mill top with an empire waist…but as i’m currently 7 months pregnant, i could be wearing a turtleneck and still be showing ‘too much’ cleavage.”

The email sent by her boss said:

Just a quick note, your shirt is rather low in the front and exposing a little too much cleavage….so if you have a sweater or wrap, and can cover up that would be great. If not, maybe next time try to wear another top under it so it does not expose too much. If you have any questions, please come and see Linda or me.

Thanks so much!!
Chris

And then I was reading this post at PhD in Parenting and this one at Breastfeeding123 about the litany of incidences this year in which nursing mothers were asked to cover up, move or were otherwise discriminated against for feeding or attempting to feed their babies with their — gasp! — breasts.

Lesson? Breasts are dirty and we should hide them, particularly in the workplace and especially when feeding babies. Yet, it’s okay if it’s to sell stuff, for entertainment and/or for male pleasure in a casual setting (if and ONLY if they like the look of your boobs).

Right, got it. Not hypocritical at all.

I won’t even go into the breastfeeding-in-public rant because I’ve said it all before, but the idea that women have to conceal their breasts in order to be professional in the workplace is a new pet peeve. Even women will argue against boobage in the workplace, saying it behooves women to not distinguish themselves from the men and to keep their chests under wraps if they want to earn respect. At first, I agreed with them. I thought, yeah, why would you want to ensure that someone is always judging you on your rack instead of your ability to do your job? Put it away, girls, we’re just like the men! But then I realised, wait, hold on minute, why is the absence of breasts synonomous with professionalism? Could it be because, I don’t know, WE WORK IN A FUCKING PATRIARCHY?

• Feminist Fury
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NS December 10th, 2008

Up there on the intro, just underneath my banner, it used to say: “Noble Savage is a fusion of commentary on leaving the motherland, parenthood, culture, world news and feminism, written by an aspiring freelance journalist, expatriate and mother of two.”

Well, the ‘aspiring’ is no longer there because I landed my first regular freelance gig yesterday! It’s not exactly what I was hoping for as it doesn’t involve writing but it’s working as a producer on a web-based project for someone in the media and it at least gives me a jump-start in the right direction. It’s all about who you know and where you start and I have a good feeling about this. The timing is perfect as the deadline space is right when TNC is either napping or at pre-school. So while I’m sure it will be a rush some days and a bit stressful trying to deal with The Noble Baby and rush off to pick TNC up from school as I’m trying to get my work finished and sent in, it’s so worth it to have something that is ‘mine’ again. Not only has it boosted my self-confidence by a mile already, it will give us a bit more financial breathing room and make sure that my CV doesn’t collect too much dust on it while I’m raising my sproglets.

It’s been nearly three years since I stopped working and while I thoroughly enjoyed having TNC’s first year off, since then I’ve been itching to sink my teeth into something that isn’t baby-related. I won’t use that dreaded phrase that so many people use in situations like this and say it will “stimulate my mind” because that indicates, to me anyway, that I wasn’t using it before. My mind is always in use, just in different ways and by different stimuli. Raising children has stimulated my sense of empathy, tenderness, patience (or lack of it sometimes), communication and love. Working will now stimulate my organizational, creative and business skills. The ol’ grey matter…it’s really going to be firing on all cylinders now!

I am officially a work-at-home mother. How strange and wonderful is that?!

• Career , Home and Hearth
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NS December 7th, 2008

It’s no secret that I’m an atheist. I don’t have a problem with other people believing but I just….don’t. As long as we keep our views in our personal lives and out of legislation, it’s all good. Unfortunately, there are a lot of religious zealots out there trying to force their beliefs onto my body, home, social status, health and ability to choose what’s right for me and my family. It’s infuriating, sad and annoying, to say the very least. There are a number of topics I could discuss in relation to religion, science and seperation of church and state but I wouldn’t be saying anything new. Besides, there are other people out there saying it a whole lot better than I ever could.

Lately, I’ve been seeking out like-minded atheist bloggers and have come across some of the following sites which I think are fantastic. Have a read (or a watch, in some cases).

Science-Based Parenting

The Meming of Life

Rational Moms

The Friendly Atheist

and this smart, articulate young woman’s YouTube channel, where she explores issues of religion and atheism as a former Mormon

GoGreen18

A couple of her clips that I liked:

Do you have any atheism or skeptic-type links to share that you think I’d like?

*As I wrote this post, there was a knock on my door. For the first time in the 14 months we have lived in this house, I found myself being proferred literature on Jesus Christ as my personal saviour and asked if I would like to discuss my salvation. What are the chances?!

• I Bitch Therefore I Am , Miscellaneous Missives
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NS December 5th, 2008

I’m sorry that I quoted a Robbie Williams song but I need your help so please don’t hold it against me.

I need ideas for relatively easy, cheap activities to do, mainly indoors, with a 2-3 year old. I’m trying to come up with a list of 100 or more so that I have at least one activity per day for the rest of winter. You see, I’ve gotten stuck into a rut with The Noble Child and need some fresh creativity. I’m afraid that the tv-watching I allowed her to do a lot of when I was heavily pregnant and when The Noble Baby was first born and needed constant feeding has turned her into a bit of a telly addict. There are times that she refuses to play or draw or do anything other than sulk about not getting to watch CBeebies or a favourite dvd. I know it’s my own fault for letting it get to this stage but I’m determined to turn it around.

When I was in my last trimester and pretty uncomfortable, I began allowing her to eat her breakfast at her little table in the living room instead of the dining room, watching cartoons as she ate her cereal. Not only has this wrecked the carpet but it has allowed me to become a lazy parent in the morning, letting tv babysit her while I wake up, make coffee, get dressed, eat breakfast, check email and surf the web. Then I started letting her watch a dvd every afternoon before Daddy gets home because I had either run out of steam or ideas. Then when TNB came along and I was stuck on the sofa breastfeeding for long stretches of time, I stopped fighting her requests to watch tv and just let her have at it. To be brutally honest, some days she was watching upwards of four hours of tv a day. Ouch. That is something I never thought I’d hear myself say as a parent.

Lately I’ve been getting sucked into the computer for longer and longer periods of time and not paying enough attention to my daughter, who in turn gets sucked into the tv. It’s a cycle that started with me and it will be a hard habit to break but I need to do it for both our sakes. I don’t want to be a zombie parent who ignores her while I attend to own selfish desires first and I certainly don’t want her to think that computers and tv are all that can entertain us. So I must start setting a good example and get my booty off the computer when she is awake. We need to start playing together again, connecting again.

This is where you come in. If you have any ideas for things we can do around the house (keeping in mind that our house is pretty small, we have only minimal disposable income and we’ll have a baby in tow all day as well) please leave them in comments. I’m also asking around my family and friends and when it’s all said and done I will produce the finished list here to give other parents of toddlers some inspiration if they’re looking for it.

Can’t wait to see what you come up with!

• Antics of The Noble Child , Parenting 101
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