Let me give you a piece of advice, fellow bloggers. If you don’t want to see search terms like ‘raped in white keds’ or ‘woman enjoying gangbang’ or ‘braless pregnant’ on your stats analysis page, then don’t write posts with any of those words in the title, likeIhave.
Here are the top entries from recent weeks:
noble savage
honey, vagina
human oddities
tom brady is a bitch (one of my personal favourites)
pregnancy snot
savage feminist (you got that right, mister!)
braless blogs
afghan-russian war
hot head heachache tumor
please make myself a doll that definitely looks like me (huh?)
thanksgiving day baby
heaving while pregnant
tim henman dorky fist pump (this made my day)
noble savages in movies
women who do gangbangs
braless t-shirt
vagina mint
how to decorate a half wall
sexy cartoon (what am I, Jessica Rabbit?)
I can’t wait to see what I get for including ‘kinky’, ‘weirdos’ and ‘perverts’…
Inspired by Courtney’s post about missing Michigan and as a result of becoming incredibly homesick while watching Stephen Fry’s new tv seriesIn America, I give you Five Things I Miss About America
1. My family and friends. I know it’s a given but it has to be said. My mother just left London yesterday after a ten day visit and watching her taxi pull away from my house and out of my sight for another seven months or longer was like being socked in the stomach after eating too much pizza — it hurt like hell and made me feel slightly sick. It didn’t help that TNC woke up from her nap a couple hours later and asked me as she looked around forlornly, “Where’s Nana gone? Nana gone on airplane?” Saying goodbye sucks.
2. Wide open spaces. I can barely park my car in front of my house because my road is as narrow as a bigot’s mind, as skinny as Kate Moss’s thighs. When I attempt to parallel park I come inches away from hitting the car parked ACROSS THE STREET. This island is too damn small.
3. Autumn. Gorgeous reds, golds, yellows, oranges and browns. Blue skies and crisp air accompanied by the faint smell of bonfire smoke. NFL football. Beer and wings. Pick-your-own pumpkin patches. Apple cider. Warm stews and casseroles. Favourite sweaters and scarves. Hayrides. S’mores. Halloween. Thanksgiving. Elections.
4. Good, affordable food. To get reliably good food in London, even for basic stuff like sandwiches, salads or steaks, one must have a lot of spare cash with which to buy it or a lot of time with which to source it. Since I have neither anymore, the prospect of a good, inexpensive meal out is pretty dim. Finding family-friendly restaurants that don’t serve absolute crap and don’t make the adults want to self-harm is a whole other challenge unto itself. Sometimes I would give my left arm for an IHOP or Tumbleweed.
5. That wondrous, zany American outlook on life. America has its problems and an ugly side, we all know that. But in a land where no dream is too big, no idea too crazy, no obstacle too insurmountable and no person unchangeable — a land where a homeless person can make themselves into a millionaire, the moon can be walked on and a black man can become president — being able to say that you were able to try, even if you didn’t make it, is pretty amazing. And in that trying — that striving to go further, faster, higher, better — we all become stronger people and in turn, a stronger community and a stronger nation. That can-do attitude is not only positive but positively American. And I miss the hell out of it, deep down, even as a hardened cynic living in Europe.
If you’re an expat, what do you miss about your homeland? Or if you’re already/still there, what do you miss about a place you’ve previously lived?
