NS January 21st, 2008

Much to his embarrassment (or amusement, who knows), famous BBC political commentator and host of Newsnight, Jeremy Paxman, has become the source of much giggling today, and sparked a strange debate that I daresay could only be considered newsworthy on this wet and whimsical island.

What’s gotten Paxy, the man with a reputation for asking tough questions of the most powerful people in politics, so worked up? Pants. Literally, pants (underwear). Oh, and socks.

The chief executive of Marks and Spencer is to meet Newsnight’s Jeremy Paxman, who has expressed concern about the quality of the chain’s underwear.

“Their pants no longer provide adequate support,” he was quoted as saying after an e-mail to the company was leaked.

Socks were “wearing out much more quickly” than before, the star added.

Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Alert the press and christen all babies — society is going to hell in a non-supportive and shoddily made handbasket! If this isn’t news, I don’t know what is. Paxman went on to say the following after the leaked e-mail went public:

“I’ve noticed that something very troubling has happened,” he told the newspaper.

“There’s no other way to put this. Their pants no longer provide adequate support.

“The other thing is socks. Even among those of us who clip our toenails very rigorously, they appear to be wearing out much more quickly on the big toe.”

I’m so tickled by this statement that I don’t even know where to begin. After I’ve finished mopping up the tea I spit all over my computer screen, I suppose I’ll go sentence by sentence. Just going to get the napkins…..okay, there. Crisis averted.

So, first we have “I’ve noticed that something very troubling has happened.” At this point I would like to remind you that he is indeed talking about underwear — pants, undergarments, Y-fronts, tighty whiteys, briefs, banana hammocks, schlong slings, what have you. And that he has grilled and politically killed the likes of Michael Howard (former Conservative leader), Tony Blair and George Gallaway (controversial London MP). He also hosts University Challenge, a deathly dull tv quiz show in which teams of geeky spec-pushing Trekkie fans (aka ‘really smart students’) furrow their pimpled brows, adjust their pocket protectors and recite answers with the enthusiasm and charm of an autopsy. So for him to be gravely concerned about the state of the nation’s underwear means something, surely.

Second statement: “There’s no other way to put this. Their pants no longer provide adequate support.” Now, as a veteran journalist, Paxman is obviously making a rookie mistake here. He has taken an observation and without looking at all possible causes and interviewing various sources to obtain differing viewpoints, has put forth an opinion as fact. Objectivity, obschmectivity. Did Paxy, age 58, ever stop to think that as he moves into the latter stage of life things just might not be (ahem) as firm as they once were? Which came first, the saggy underwear or the saggy balls? It’s like the chicken or the egg debate. A timeless classic.

Now really showing his age, he went on to say: “The other thing is socks. Even among those of us who clip our toenails very rigorously, they appear to be wearing out much more quickly on the big toe.” Wait. There is such a thing as rigorous toenail clipping? Damn it, I’ve been doing it wrong all these years! There was me, not realising it was a competitive sport, only lazily and intermittently trying to keep my toenails from reaching talon proportions. For shame.

Jeremy Paxman — once a tough-as-nails political journo; now, a poster boy for geriatric senility and the Middle Age Droop. I know that the Brits love their M&S (it’s almost as much an institution as the royal family) and would rather wear loin cloths and revert to savagedom than not have their cotton-poly mix Marks and Sparks panties, but this just might be taking things a bit far.

**Many thanks to TNH for pointing out this article and suggesting it as blog fodder 

• Britishisms , In The News
• Comments(8)

NS January 18th, 2008

My mother-in-law bought me two jars of baby dill pickles and five Whatchamacallit chocolate bars — possibly two of my favourite things on Earth. She handed them over at 5pm yesterday and by noon today, the first jar was gone. In my defense, the first jar always goes fast and TNC helped me out quite a bit. That girl is a pickle freak too, just like her mama.

I haven’t started on the Whatchamacallits yet but I’m sure there won’t be much left of them in a few days. Thank god I’m not dieting this January.

• Health and Fitness , Hunger Pangs
• Comments(9)

NS January 16th, 2008

…got no man, but I got my health.

Okay, the got no man part isn’t true but I still share in the sentiment of that song. Here’s why.

Yesterday, an online friend of mine posted on the forum we both frequent asking for urgent help with something concerning her daughter’s health. Because she is in the midst of moving and I was sitting in front of a computer doing nothing, I began Googling and searching for answers for her. I emailed someone who had been through the same thing and asked questions. I posted a topic about it on another forum I go to, hoping someone there would have some insight. As I read page after page of details about this disease (a relatively harmless one compared to others, non-lethal, but a disease nonetheless) and the life changes that the families of those suffering from it have had to make, a pit of sympathy opened in my stomach. I read heartfelt blog entries from parents trying to get a diagnosis and how hard it is to watch their children suffer while not being able to do anything about it. Maybe it’s hormones or something, but I was nearly in tears after a short while. Not because I thought these children were going to die or that their lives are so horrible, but because I realised that I had taken my own child’s good health for granted.

When you’re pregnant, all you care about is that your baby is born healthy. Soon, all you care about is that he or she is happy (and that you both get some sleep). For someone whose child hasn’t had more than run-of-the-mill sniffles or a scraped knee, I’ve forgotten to give thanks every day that my girl is strong and healthy and has never had to have antibiotics, be admitted to the hospital or have a surgery. She can eat whatever she likes (though she’s incredibly picky so that’s not a lot) and has no known allergies. She’s got great skin, good vision and is developmentally normal. Having experienced firsthand what serious childhood illness does to a family, I shouldn’t have slipped into complacency so soon.

So this is my way of acknowledging that others don’t have it so good and that I don’t take my family’s good health for granted. May I remember and thank the universe, the gods, the Flying Spaghetti Monster or what have you, for that simple fact every day.

• Health and Fitness , Parenting 101
• Comments(3)

NS January 13th, 2008

I, Noble Savage, aged 28 years, 6 months and 2 weeks old, found my first grey hair yesterday. Actually, it was more white than grey since I’m a blonde, but still…I thought I’d be at least 30 before the little buggers started making themselves known. I told The Noble Husband that it’s from being married to him for coming up to eight years in a couple weeks. He was not amused.

• Banal Breakdown , Health and Fitness
• Comments(11)

NS January 12th, 2008

Things I have found upon entering a room my dear daughter (TNC, aged 21 months) was unsupervised in for a short period of time:

• A shoe in the refrigerator
• A stuffed animal in the toilet
• The microwave running with nothing in it
• Cat food bowl empty and on cat’s head while TNC feeds each morsel to her by hand
• A sticky unknown substance all over the wall
• My phone in a glass of milk
• A dvd in my handbag
• A pot of lipgloss with a perfect index finger hole all the way through it
• Tampons (new ones!) unwrapped and scattered all over the hallway and down the stairs
• A bottle of unopened champagne in the washing machine
• The cat in the washing machine

• Antics of The Noble Child
• Comments(13)