Is/Is Not: Motherhood
NS January 9th, 2008
Motherhood is:
- Full of surprises, pain and more joy than one could ever imagine
- Often difficult
- Sometimes effortless
- Sleepless nights
- Using your sleeve to dry eyes and sometimes noses
- Looking at your child and wondering how anything could ever be so beautiful
- Heartache
- Humility
- Feeling your soul catch in your throat when harm befalls him or her
- Sitting glued to one spot, despite numb limbs and boredom, to allow a sick child to sleep
- Making a fool of yourself in public to make your child laugh, and not caring what anyone thinks
- Recognising that you’ll have to let go one day — and being simulataneously petrified and exhilirated at the thought
- Being responsible for your own and your child’s actions
- A partnership with your community
- Not being able to imagine a world without your children in it
Motherhood is not:
- Martyrdom
- Unfeminist
- Expecting others to bow to you or your children
- Sanity-preserving
- A dictatorship
- Easy
- The end of your fashion sense, sex life, friendships or career if you don’t want it to be
- Something to be sneered at
- Merely ‘breeding’
- A status symbol
- Always putting your child’s needs first — nor your own
- Instilling humiliation, fear or hate in your child
- A competition
- Is/Is Not , Parenting 101
- Comments(9)
well said (sorry, nak)
ugh. i do hate it though, when people say things like “so you had a baby, big deal, its something a dog could do”… arrrgh. i mean technically its true but at the same time just so insensitive the way it is said!! drives me crazy. i dont expect to be seen as a saint, but i do expect to be treated with respect for what i do.
True, so very true. If only more people realized it…
I agree! Sometimes, however, it is necessary to be a dictator in a sense. Children can’t always have a choice in what they want. No matter how hard it is to have to tell your child no, it is a parent’s responsibility to do so in order to teach right from wrong. They can get angry, stomp around, slam doors and you feel terrible because you know they think you hate them. But you have to hold out and stand firm because you are responsible for developing their moral values. It is very liberating once your children become adults and you are no longer responsible for them. Your relationship changes because there is no power struggle. You realize you have done what you could and the rest is up to them. You can sit back and watch them mature, offer advice if asked, and simply enjoy them as people!
Lovely list! Funnily enough, I read “motherhood is not a dictatorship” to mean “… not a dictatorship by children” and thought yes! don’t let the rotters rule me!
Completely bloody brilliant list! What do I know? Sod all but I’ve spent enough time thinking and wondering about it to agree with your view.
“Expecting others to bow down to your children” Yes! Cambridgeshire is especially bad for Militant Parents, you know, worthy, intense – usually (but not always) left wing – people with child molester’s shoes (you know those crepe soled ones in bright colours with really round toes with a strap across to do them up, the same style as you wore to school when you were six – like Alice In Wonderland’s but really REALLY flat, with no heel) who think their children should be the centre of my and everyone else’s world as well as their own. People who have confused being a responsible parent with having a full frontal lobotomy and a sense of humour bypass… there are far too many of them about.
Cheers
BC
Chloe: I hear ya. It’s just as rude of people to say things like that as it is for some parents to expect the red carpet to be rolled out for them.
Momma Em: Yes, if only!
Lyn: Wouldn’t that be called an authoritarian regime, not a dictatorship?
Charlotte: I actually did mean ‘not a dictatorship’ in the sense that you shouldn’t get so caught up in the “I’m the parent, I always always always know what’s best and you have absolutely no rights or say so” trap that some people seem to fall into. I think it creates resentful children with no idea how to make their own decisions. There’s a big difference between that and what you’re referring to, which is just common sense really! As parents, it is our JOB to make the rules for our children so they can learn on their own. But mutual communication is also key and that’s where I see some people falling down, in my opinion.
BC: oh dear, these people sound a real treat! Are these people you interact with on a regular basis?
Great List
as always! I don’t always get a chance to reply but I do read! 
Mothering is
a chance to understand and practice unconditional love
allowing yourself to be vulnerable
so very true and a good affirmation for me at the moment.
Very, very good. I think all of the IS list could extend to fatherhood, whereas certain points in the IS NOT list probably only apply to motherhood. Which says loads about society which isn’t good.