You don’t own me

NS October 25th, 2007

This video makes me want to puke

This, from an article about purity balls in Glamour:

Welcome to Colorado Springs’ Seventh Annual Father-Daughter Purity Ball, held at the five-star Broadmoor Hotel. The event’s purpose is, in part, to celebrate dad-daughter bonding, but the main agenda is for fathers to vow to protect the girls’ chastity until they marry and for the daughters to promise to stay pure. Pastor Randy Wilson, host of the event and co-founder of the ball, strides to the front of the room, takes the microphone and asks the men, “Are you ready to war for your daughters’ purity?”

Now, I'm all for father-daughter bonding. I think a girl having a strong relationship with her father is important. I'm also cool with girls and women who decide that (for religious reasons or otherwise) they would rather not have sexual relationships until they are married. I also don't mind dads who are prepared to provide sexual education, support and guidance for their daughters. Great, good. More power to them.

But wait. Why is it only dads and daughters, not dads and sons or mothers and sons? Or even better, both parents, as a united front, tackling these issues with all of their children, regardless of gender? Is female sexuality really something that needs 'guarding'? Who are we guarding it against, and why aren't those people being preached at instead of forcing the perceived prey to shoulder all of the responsibility?

Purity. Since when did it become a possession; something to be warred over and protected?

The roles are clear: Dad is the only man in a girl’s life until her husband arrives, a lifestyle straight out of biblical times. “In patriarchy, a father owns a girl’s sexuality,” notes psychologist and feminist author Carol Gilligan, Ph.D. “And like any other property, he guards it, protects it, even loves it.”

Sigh. Things like this make me almost want to quit feminism because the women involved not only willingly go along with this but embrace it, espouse it and evangelize about it. They truly believe that they need protecting and that the person for that job is the man in their life, be it their father, brother or husband. They don't question or challenge the circumstances that have led them to need 'protection' in the first place (if they even do) or stop to think "Wait. Why is it my job to think about my sexuality and how to squelch it while boys get off the hook with lame excuses about hormones, a bit of jovial winking and 'boys will be boys' comments?" It's pure, all right. Pure bullshit.

Lesley Gore had it right when she sang "You don't own me." Ladies, listen to Lesley. She sings the wise words.

6 Responses to “You don’t own me”

  1. Kelly O says:
    25 October 2007 at 3:48 pm

    I hear you. This is creepy on SO many levels.

  2. jen says:
    25 October 2007 at 4:00 pm

    Because girls are weak. Didn’t you know that?

  3. Babychaos says:
    26 October 2007 at 3:20 pm

    Yuk, there’s something way pervy about all those dad’s dancing with their daughters. And then where the mother at the end comes on and says this is serious and that purity balls don’t quite cut the mustard… just as I’m thinking yeh, finally somebody talking in a non-brainwashed way about all this, she says both parents should be involved… And I’m screaming NO!! Both parents should offer their support but unless the daughter wants them to be they should NOT be involved because this decision is hers and has bugger all to do with them…

    Please don’t take this the wrong way but this is the kind of thing that makes the rest of the world a) think the whole American people is absolutely barking mad and b) very VERY afraid that America is the dominant world power.

    Cheers

    BC

  4. Babychaos says:
    26 October 2007 at 3:22 pm

    PS… Oh Yeh, I forgot to say, Lesley is bang on the money!

  5. Lisa says:
    27 October 2007 at 4:36 pm

    I didn’t watch the video. I may throw up and that is never a pleasant thing. My parents separated when I was two so I was raised by my dad. On his own. He taught me how to fight and defend myself when I was six, after I told him a boy in school was bullying me. I’ve never needed or even asked for protection since. He has never offered either.

    Oh, and yeah, he had to give a short birds and bees lecture which was probably the most uncomfortable experience of his life. I was laughing at him the entire time. I’ve always known I lucked out having him for a dad, but man, this just made me extra grateful.

  6. NS says:
    29 October 2007 at 6:42 pm

    Lisa, it sounds like your dad did an excellent job raising you. A man who can teach his daughter to respect and stand up for herself instead of running to him to guard her is a gem in my book.

    BC, I know what you mean by your comment that the world sometimes looks at things like this in America and thinks we’re all loony and I take no offense. However, I would point out that America doesn’t have a monopoly on treating women as property to be guarded and traded. Countries where arranged marriages are still the norm and a woman is only worth the amount of her dowry come to mind, as do many other western countries with supposed progressive feminist ideals. Britain exalts in its fair share of sexism too, just not at this primal, religiously-based level. But yes, I know what you mean. It makes us look like madmen!