You don’t own me
NS October 25th, 2007
This video makes me want to puke
Welcome to Colorado Springs’ Seventh Annual Father-Daughter Purity Ball, held at the five-star Broadmoor Hotel. The event’s purpose is, in part, to celebrate dad-daughter bonding, but the main agenda is for fathers to vow to protect the girls’ chastity until they marry and for the daughters to promise to stay pure. Pastor Randy Wilson, host of the event and co-founder of the ball, strides to the front of the room, takes the microphone and asks the men, “Are you ready to war for your daughters’ purity?”
Now, I'm all for father-daughter bonding. I think a girl having a strong relationship with her father is important. I'm also cool with girls and women who decide that (for religious reasons or otherwise) they would rather not have sexual relationships until they are married. I also don't mind dads who are prepared to provide sexual education, support and guidance for their daughters. Great, good. More power to them.
But wait. Why is it only dads and daughters, not dads and sons or mothers and sons? Or even better, both parents, as a united front, tackling these issues with all of their children, regardless of gender? Is female sexuality really something that needs 'guarding'? Who are we guarding it against, and why aren't those people being preached at instead of forcing the perceived prey to shoulder all of the responsibility?
Purity. Since when did it become a possession; something to be warred over and protected?
The roles are clear: Dad is the only man in a girl’s life until her husband arrives, a lifestyle straight out of biblical times. “In patriarchy, a father owns a girl’s sexuality,” notes psychologist and feminist author Carol Gilligan, Ph.D. “And like any other property, he guards it, protects it, even loves it.”
Sigh. Things like this make me almost want to quit feminism because the women involved not only willingly go along with this but embrace it, espouse it and evangelize about it. They truly believe that they need protecting and that the person for that job is the man in their life, be it their father, brother or husband. They don't question or challenge the circumstances that have led them to need 'protection' in the first place (if they even do) or stop to think "Wait. Why is it my job to think about my sexuality and how to squelch it while boys get off the hook with lame excuses about hormones, a bit of jovial winking and 'boys will be boys' comments?" It's pure, all right. Pure bullshit.
Lesley Gore had it right when she sang "You don't own me." Ladies, listen to Lesley. She sings the wise words.
