NS September 20th, 2007

We all know that there are legions of misogynists in this world: men who want women to cover up but then take it all off; be their whores in the bedroom but saints in the kitchen; bear and raise their children but then take away the necessary tools for them to do so; have a successful career but not earn more than them or neglect domestic duties; and keep themselves in perfect physical condition but not exert too much time, energy or money doing so.

The double standards are astounding.

That these men (especially ones who claim to be modern and liberal) can’t see how frustrating, fruitless and fucking sexist their demands on women are is irritating, certainly. But what really bothers me, more than ignorant comments like Bill Maher’s about breastfeeding in public being akin to masturbation (skip to 3 minutes from the end), are the women who subscribe to these beliefs as well. Every time I open a paper or read a news story online and get outraged by how sexist and hateful it is, it is often a woman who has written it. And even if the author wasn’t a woman, or if the story was positive about some issue relating to women, the ireful comments and letters to the editor often come from other women, other mothers, who you’d think would be a bit more sympathetic.

The amount of times I’ve read an article on breastfeeding in public and women have replied saying things like “Well, I breastfed but I always did it in the privacy of my home or in the bathroom at a restaurant. Men love breasts and think of them sexually so why taunt them?” makes me want to scream. Do they not see the stupidity and sexism in that statement? Do they really think that sitting in a dirty, nasty public toilet, feeling propelled to be hidden away from view while doing something so natural, innocent and inherently female so as not to upset the menfolk and tutting prudes is not in the least bit wrong? It makes me want to tear my hair out.

It’s not silly ignoramuses like Bill Maher who upset me though (mainly because I don’t expect that much from him anyway, I guess), it’s the people who have been brainwashed into being ashamed of their own anatomy that piss me off the most. These are most likely the same women who buy douche and ‘feminine sprays’ to get rid of that not-so-fresh feeling and who refuse to receive oral sex because “it’s gross.” They are also the ladies who lambaste young rape victims for dressing provocatively, teenage mothers for spreading their legs and mothers who struggle to cope with their children as pathetic. Rarely are the men in these scenarios mentioned and the blame is placed squarely on the female’s shoulders.

I have no doubt that it is this same group of self-haters who are the ones demonising Kate McCann in the press for dressing too stylishly, smiling occasionally and generally not being the archetypal grieving, manic mother sobbing into the microphone as she clutches a hankie and her husband’s arm. The thinly veiled attempts at boosting their own self-esteems through insults and vitriolic comments are faintly humourous in their transparency, if nothing else. Every time Britney gains a few pounds or someone at their office puts in long hours while the kids go to daycare, they can feel better about themselves because they would never do that. It’s almost comical to see the wheels of indignation turning in their little heads as they construct a defense against the women who dare challenge the status quo.
Put down the douche, ladies. Your vagina does not need a mint. What you need is the ability to empathise with other women and recognise that just because things have been done a certain way for a set period of time does not mean that those who want equality and harmony are attention-seeking. Don’t we have enough battles to fight without turning on each other?

• Feminist Fury , I Bitch Therefore I Am
• Comments(4)