NS August 7th, 2007

I’m reading a fantastic book at the moment, called What Is The What, by Dave Eggers. I am about 1/3 of the way through this sufficiently lengthy hardback tome and am thoroughly engrossed. Last night, as I sat with my curled hand hot under my chin, aching from the weight of supporting my head which leaned over the pages at such an angle that I could devour more and more words at an optimal speed, I got the Good Book Goosebumps. If you’re a reader, you know what I mean. It’s when a book suddenly passes your expectations (if you had any at all) and seeps ever-so-slowly-yet-maddeningly-quickly into your heart, like honey spilling from a jar lifted haphazardly by a child. Suddenly, you eat, sleep and breathe this book. The words keep coming and coming, yet your appetite for them increases with each flick of the page.

Ooh, and don’t you just love books with those natural fibre, hewn-edged pages the color of buttermilk? The kind that are thick but not stiff like legal paper, and uniquely bound without seeming like it would fall apart? I just love reading these kinds of books. They’re a physical pleasure to place my hands upon. This must be what it feels like for a geriatric pervert to get his hands on a ripe, juicy, teenage ass. Yes, books are my porn.

In fact, that is a good analogy for my relationship with books. Like some are with matters of the flesh, I am obsessed with those of the page. If I could, I would sit in various locations throughout my day or week, depending on the weather, reading a newspaper, book, magazine or essay. Short stories? Bring it. Poetry? Love it. Egocentric ramblings of the blogging masses? My bloodline.

If books could be injected, ingested or inhaled, like a drug, I’d be the Pete Doherty of the literary world. And if I were a writer’s work, I’d apparently be the stuff that Dorothy Parker writes about, according to this quiz.

That may just be the best, most succinct description of me I’ve ever heard — urbane, witty boozehound. Yep, that pretty much sums it up. Dorothy, you know me so well.

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