NS April 2nd, 2007

The Noble Child is one year old today. Hooray! She’ still in one piece, despite the perfume-eating, head-bumping, split-lips, chokes-on-crackers mishaps and no one has threatened to call social services. We done good, Cleetus!

We had a party yesterday to celebrate, with the grandparents and ‘god’parents (they’re not really godparents in the traditional sense of the word but what the heck else should I call them? I’m open to suggestions!). Everyone arrived just after 2pm and we had a drink and nibbled on a few snacks while Amelia was showered with gifts. She had a couple of crisps (potato chips) and got really mad when we tried to move the nuts and olives out of her reach. We ended up having to move the snack bowls into the kitchen because that was all she cared about — getting the food. The girl’s entire motivation to movement is led by her stomach. Not completely unlike her parents, really. There used to be days when the only thing that unsuctioned my ass from the sofa and the remote control/a good book/the laptop was the need to locate, buy and eat a meal. So, I can empathize.

At about 3 o’clock, we got my parents on the webcam so they could see Amelia eat her cake. I had wanted to bake one for her but I was stupid and didn’t go to buy the ingredients until the morning of the party. When I got to the store, they didn’t have cake mix OR frosting. What kind of backward, godforsaken hellhole of a country doesn’t have freakin’ cake mix or frosting?! I have never been so angered by a lack of something that, to my American self, should be so basic, so normal, so….THERE IN THE F’ING STORE!!! I must’ve sounded like a sailor three sheets to the wind on his weekend land pass, I was swearing up a storm and muttering and I think my eye even twitched and steam came out of my ears as I hopped from foot to foot, angrily knocking boxes around as I snarled and growled at anyone who dared suggest that a Victoria sponge cake would do.

After a fruitless hour of trying to locate the correct ingredients and a cake tin big enough to bake it in (another hopeless search), I had to admit defeat and buy a cake from the bakery. It was yummy but I’m still kind of upset that I didn’t bake it for her. I’m sure that, after a couple years of slaving away in the kitchen to make increasingly more creative cakes, I will be more than happy to pay someone to do that shit for me. But on the day, I was upset, because I wanted to bake my daughter’s cake and England was stopping me. Can I still blame post-partum hormones a year later?

Speaking of words ending in -partum, a more serious interlude now.

The first birthday of your first child is a special occasion, especially for the mother. I didn’t want to be one of those mothers who goes into minute detail about the birth every year and breaks out the pictures and videos (god forbid!) while sobbing into a handkerchief, but I couldn’t help but reflect on my daughter’s birth as the day wore on and I remembered at what stage of labour I was in at particular times. The birth didn’t go exactly as planned and I do have a couple of regrets about how things were handled, but I view it as not only the beginning of life for Amelia, but a rebirth of sorts for me. The magic that sparkled between us as we lay there, exhausted and bewildered, face to face, mother and daughter, is something I will never, ever forget. I looked into her eyes and felt her tiny hand grip mine and a feeling so fierce, so overwhelmingly powerful, overcame me that I had to swallow hard against it lest it filled my heart so deeply that it was pushed to the edges of its bodily confines. I didn’t know what the feeling was at the time. I know now that it was a lifetime of love and devotion, come to me at once. And for that, I couldn’t be more grateful.

Here’s what I wrote in her card:

Our dearest, sweetest Amelia, You are 1 year old today! Time flies by so quickly. It seems not long ago we were bringing you home from the hospital, so nervous and excited. We had no idea at the time how much joy you would bring into our lives. You have completed our family and our hearts. We love you more than you will ever know. May all of your birthdays be happy. All our love, Mama and Daddy xx

One. It isn’t the loneliest number after all.

Pictures of the party are on my Flickr badge in the top left corner.

• Antics of The Noble Child , Parenting 101 , Squish Squish
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