NS July 30th, 2006

I am soooo pissed off.

I realize that my readers (all 5 of you) may think that is the only emotion I experience, and you know what? You would be right. Because it seems that lately something happens nearly every day that just makes me downright stupified with anger and disbelief. I mean, jaw-on-the-floor, why-are-these-people-allowed-to-breed, someone-please-kill-me kind of anger. Not the “watch out, she’s got a gun!” type. Just to clarify.

So the thing that has pissed me off today is this article about the outrage caused by a magazine cover in the US which featured a breastfeeding baby. In case you’re too lazy to read the link, I’ll summarize. Basically, a magazine called Baby Talk published an article about breastfeeding and the accompanying cover was of a baby nursing. You can’t see a nipple, it’s simply the curve of a woman’s breast and a baby nursing, looking up. A very normal, cute picture one would think, for the intended audience. Even if you’re not a mother and/or have never breastfed, I would think you could appreciate that it’s a natural function of the mother-baby bond and is how many a child begins their life.

But, sadly, no. Apparently, breastfeeding is “gross” according to some of the complaint letters the magazine received, and the cover picture “inappropriate.” One moronic woman even wrote in to say “Men are very visual. When they see a woman’s breast, they see a breast – regardless of what it’s being used for.” I’m sorry, but breasts’ primary function are to feed babies. Their secondary function is sexual, and that’s not even true for everyone. Clearly, women who use them for their primary function are just whores who enjoy getting their tits out in public. Nothing whatsoever to do with feeding their baby, it’s just a cunning ploy to disguise the fact that these mothers harbor a secret desire to be on “Girls Gone Wild.” Don’t even get me started on the fact that a) if a man is turned on by breastfeeding he is a complete perv and b) it’s blatantly this woman’s own insecurities that make her want to ban all boobies from her household. She’s probably the type of person who uses Sharpies to draw clothes on the naked tribeswomen in National Geographic. Get a hobby, woman. (God, that probably is her hobby. How sad).

I know people who have actually been asked to not feed their babies in public and to “go do it in the bathroom.” Someone on a forum I go to sometimes said that she was asked just last week to go elsewhere to feed her baby and she was at a freakin’ ANATOMY exhibit at a museum! Did they not see the utter irony of that? Of course, the reproductive organs at this exhibit were behind a curtain and there was a bouncer there ready to rough up any young kids who tried to go sneak a peak at dirty things like ovaries or testicles, so it shouldn’t come as any huge surprise.

I’m going to the States for a visit in October and I was a bit worried about breastfeeding in public but now I’m not at all. Not only will I do it, but I will loudly tell anyone who gives me a dirty look or makes a rude comment where they can go. People need to get over themselves and their puritanical, prudish hangups. This is reason no. 89 on a long list of why I just can’t live in America anymore. I’d rather put up with the bad service, food and weather over here than listen to this self-righteous, ignorant and uptight crap. I’ll leave you with a great quote I read the other day, by Butch Hancock:

“Life in Lubbock, Texas taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you’re going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love.”

• I Bitch Therefore I Am , In The News
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